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Two people sit across a candlelit table after talking for only a few weeks. They are in love. They are sure of it. And of the one thing that matters most, they have never once spoken a serious word.

What is marriage? Not what it feels like, nor what the world says of it, but what it is. It is a question men think they have answered long before they ask it. They mistake their enthusiasm for wisdom and their hope for knowledge. Yet the question waits. It will be answered in the years that follow, whether it was answered before walking down the aisle or not.

There is something strange about how we live in society today. We treat trivial things with gravity and the most serious matters with a shrug. Simply put, we’re in an age of misplaced priorities. A man will study a contractual agreement for hours to understand every word before penning down his name to buy a house. He will weigh the purchase, compare a hundred small advantages, and guard his money as though it were his soul, to ensure he is getting good value for his money. However, when it comes to the union that will shape his whole life, and the lives of his children, and the temper of his old age, he enters upon it with a feeling, often without sufficient reason. He calls this romantic connection. I think it would be better named “neglect.”

For marriage, rightly understood, is no private arrangement struck for comfort. It is a vocation. It is a sacrament. It is a faithful, lifelong, and procreative union, and it asks of those who would enter it an honesty most couples never reach. The questions that decide a marriage are not the questions lovers delight to ask; not in today’s dating culture. They are harder. They are deep. They are intentional questions: How does this person stand toward their parents, toward siblings? What values have guided and shaped this person’s life? What does this person believe about God, about the faith, about children, about the small daily sacrifices that fill this temporal life?

These are not pleasant questions for courtship. They are avoided precisely because they are weighty. And they are weighty precisely because everything later turns upon them. The conflicts that break a home are seldom strangers. They were present at the beginning, unnamed and unasked, sitting quietly at that candlelit table.

Consider for a moment that courting someone is a kind of interview: One is interviewing another for the office of spouse. The phrase offends the ear of those who often say that going on a date should not feel like “attending an interview”. When a date feels like an interview, it reveals a lack of good social and communication skills, not that the questions are not important.  Yet it offends only because we have forgotten what is at stake. Every courtship ends in one of two ways: in marriage or in parting.

The virtue of prudence lies in discerning – with both intellect and reason – before feelings cloud the judgment. And here is a truth most overlook. A breakup, when it comes from honest discernment, is not a failure. It is a success. The failure is to marry without ever having asked the right questions.

It is this honest asking that Thomas L. McFadden, Jr. sets out to teach in A Catholic’s Guide to Finding the Perfect Spouse: With 101 Simple Questions. The book does not ride on mere sentiments. It offers a roadmap. It lays before the reader the very questions that need asking before one steps up to the altar, beginning with the foundation on which all the rest are built: what marriage is, and what its purpose is.

From that foundation, it moves outward, into faith and family, into habit and finances, into the openness to children that the Church names at the heart of the married vocation. These are the substantial, life-altering questions, as Patrick Madrid calls them in the foreword, the ones whose absence so many wedded people later mourn with the same quiet regret: if only we had spoken of these things before. McFadden has written the book so that fewer couples ever need to speak that sentence. What the questions are, how they search the heart, and what they reveal about a person before it is too late to learn, are generously treated in the book itself.

This is the very conviction on which we at the CatholicCourtship were built. We hold that a good marriage begins long before the wedding, and that it begins by beginning rightly. The world calls this dating, and it bids the young to follow their feelings and let reason trail behind. We do not. We are made for courtship, which is the slow and reverent work of two souls discerning together whether God has called them to marriage as a couple. Our matchmakers help our members be introduced to matches based on profound statements of values and a compatible outlook on faith and family life, so that the courtship process may be both joyful and intentional.

Marriage is sacred. It cannot be approached as a mood is approached. It asks not for sentiment but for honesty, and not for chemistry of feelings but for truth. And so, the art our members must learn is the art of asking the right questions during courtship, while there is still light enough to see by, and time enough to choose well.

For this reason, we have added McFadden’s book as a resource guide on our platform. We refer our members to it as help and a companion, so that the conversations by which they come to know one another might run deeper than the pleasant shallows where most courtships linger. A good question, asked early and answered truly, is worth more than a hundred easy evenings. We would have our members ask such questions, and ask them unafraid.

If you would prepare for marriage as seriously as marriage deserves, do not leave the great question unasked. Read A Catholic’s Guide to Finding the Perfect Spouse: With 101 Simple Questions, and learn the questions before love makes you afraid to ask them.

The post What Is Marriage? What Is It For? Asking the Right Questions During Courtship appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Often, meeting people in person can be a daunting task. From living in a small town with little or no eligible singles to being engulfed in a parish community saturated with married couples to not having enough sample of singles who share their values and goals, young single Catholics continue to face myriads of courtship challenges. The social fabric of our lives is increasingly becoming less communal and more individualistic owing to the rise in the use of technology for human connections.

For Catholics, living in the modern world means learning to adapt to it without losing the chief values that define us. It’s about prioritizing our faith and the Church’s teachings in our daily life undertakings, and we can do this even in the digital age. We’re not entirely immune to the influences of technology, especially as a tool for facilitating human connections. Still, we can choose how we respond to them, always keeping our faith and values at the forefront. 

As single Catholics, we must understand that while meeting potential spouses in person seems ideal and desirable, many successful Catholic families began their initial acquaintance-making journey from online platforms. This couple, who met on our matchmaking platform, is a few weeks away from being joined together in Holy Matrimony. 

In this short series of guides, we’ll offer concise insights into how you can make connections online for the purposes of courtship without incurring the headache of “online dating fatigue.”

What exactly is courtship, and how does it differ from dating? In one of our previous articles, we explored the topic of courtship and the different stages. Before we begin, we must refresh our minds on how courtship differs from modern dating. Firstly, courtship has a specific destination in mind: a sacramental marriage. Whereas dating can lead to undefined, ongoing relationships, courtship is an intentional process by which two people who both know their destination discover whether they will become partners in the journey.

Courtship moves through 4 distinct stages:

Friendship: At this stage, you’ll get to know multiple potential partners and interact with them in a friendly, casual manner. This stage aims to build a foundation upon which to grow if you should enter into an exclusive relationship. Significant questions to consider here include:

• Is this person committed to the Catholic faith?
• Do we have things in common besides our faith?
• Am I physically attracted to this person?
• Does this person have the zeal for a virtuous life?
• Do I enjoy spending time with this person?
• Do I want to spend more time together?

Courtship/Exclusive Relationship: Once you’ve identified the person you’re most interested in and most compatible with, you will enter into an exclusive relationship in which you both suspend your online accounts and spend time together in person, meeting both families and discussing a possible future.

Betrothal/Engagement: If you discern and decide to commit your lives to each other, you’ll enter into the engagement phase, in which you’ll spend more time preparing for marriage through a preparatory course and discussing the practical details of your upcoming marriage.

Marriage: Having reached your destination, you’ll settle into your married life and come to know each other more deeply as you build a shared life together.

Because your time on The CatholicCourtship platform (or any matchmaking app) focuses primarily on meeting and getting to know new people, this guide will focus most of its attention on the nuances of the Friendship stage.

Pre-Courtship

Before entering the journey of courtship, it is crucial to assess your current state to determine whether you’re ready to enter into a sacramental marriage. Before signing up, consider these questions:

For Women:

• Am I ready to make a lifelong commitment to someone, or does that feel like a faraway reality?
• Have I healed from any prior negative relationships or experiences? Can I consider potential partners as they are without superimposing other peoples’ behavior onto them?
• Do I have the proper motivation for courting? Am I looking for a God-centered relationship with a unique and unrepeatable individual, or do I want to be married for the sake of marriage?
• Am I ready to become a mother and embrace the children God may gift to me and my spouse? Would I be willing to stay home with my children if need be?
• Am I comfortable deferring to my future husband regarding faith and finance?
• Am I committed to Christ and His Church? Do I love God and desire to reflect His love through marriage?

For Men:

• Am I ready to commit my life to someone and devote my time and energy to her alone?
• Do I have realistic expectations about my partner? Can I approach a woman as she is without comparing her to friends, family, or others I have courted in the past?
• Do I have the proper motivation for courting? Am I looking for a God-centered relationship with a unique and unrepeatable individual, or do I want to be married for the sake of marriage?
• Am I financially secure and able to provide for my future wife and children? Am I willing to take on multiple jobs if necessary?
• Am I emotionally mature and able to understand my partner’s viewpoint without taking offense? Can I empathize? Am I willing to cooperate and consider my partner’s concerns when making decisions that affect our family?
• Am I strong and rooted in my faith, comfortable with being the spiritual head of my future family? Do I have faithful friends and mentors to guide me along the way?

You’re ready to begin your courtship journey if you’ve answered yes to most or all of these questions. If not, don’t be discouraged. Taking the time to address whatever might stand in the way of a successful courtship is as important as the courtship itself.

The following article in this series is on Joining A Virtual Platform and Making Connections during the first week.

The post Making Connections Online for Courtship: A Step-by-step Guide appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Now that you’re ready to embark on your path toward marriage, it’s important that you spend time in places that will facilitate interactions with potential partners. Courtship from an online perspective means joining a virtual platform or an app. Just as you would put time and effort into your appearance when attending a young adult event in person, you should spend this first week polishing your profile. It would help if you also aimed to interact with as many people as possible. Don’t worry; superficial connections will be pruned away as time passes. For right now, be open and start the conversation.

Goals for the first week

For Women:

• Unless you receive an offensive or single-word message, respond to every message you receive.
• Keep your responses brief. Don’t send a longer message than you receive.
• Remain polite and refrain from getting too attached to one person.
• Don’t feel obligated to answer personal questions this early in the conversation. If someone asks a question you’d instead not answer or that feels too deep for a casual discussion, state that you’re not comfortable discussing the matter at this time.
• Pray about your conversations and ask the Lord to direct them according to His will.

For Men:

• Message the women you’re interested in, but be sure to personalize your messages. Spending a little time reading her profile and asking meaningful questions will go a long way toward facilitating a fruitful conversation.
• Be open to everyone you meet, but refrain from sending messages to someone who doesn’t seem like a good fit for you. For example, don’t message a woman living two states away if you’re not interested in a long-distance relationship. Instead, focus on those living nearby.
• Keep your conversations light and friendly. Now is no time to discuss past relationships or how many children you want.
• Always reply to any responses you may receive. Ghosting is not only disrespectful, it’s also hurtful. You started the conversation; the least you can do is keep it going.
• Pray about your conversations and ask the Lord to direct them according to His will.

Tips for Creating a Successful Profile

If you want to stand out from the crowd, follow these simple tips:

1. Use Photos to Tell Your Story

Select photos that tell potential partners something about you. Do you love to hike? Take a photo outdoors on your favorite trail. Is cooking your thing? Get a shot of yourself plating your best dish. As far as your profile is concerned, you can never go wrong with a clear headshot and a sincere smile. No sunglasses allowed!

Do: Create a holistic image of who you are through your photos

Don’ts: Include pictures that are blurry, distant, or unclear in purpose, such as getting lost in group photos.

2. Be Specific

Including specific details about you can help others better understand who you are. Consider these examples. Which statement is more engaging and informative?

“I enjoy spending time with friends.”

“My family and I are very close.”

“I like to read.”

“My friends and I are on a mission to visit every museum in Washington.”

“My brothers and I have a standing tradition called Saints and Smokes. Last month, we discussed St. Junipero Serra while sampling Padron 1964.”

“I have a weakness for historical fiction, with a little bit of sci-fi thrown into the mix.”

3. Mention Your Ideal Partner

Remember, your profile isn’t just about you. Potential partners will use your profile to determine whether you two might be a good fit, so mentioning what you’re looking for in a partner is important. Whatever you’re looking for, be honest about it.

For example,

“I’m an easygoing person who enjoys trying new things and is looking for a like-minded individual to share fun experiences with.”

Or

“I dream of buying a farm and trying my hand at homesteading. I’d love to meet someone who loves nature and wants to get back to basics.”

4. Be Positive and People-Centered

You know what they say – you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. The same principle applies to your profile. If you want to attract a potential partner, focus on the positives and emphasize the things you’re passionate about or enjoy doing. Avoid mentioning prior relationships or negative experiences. Even if they’re a part of your story, you can always spin things positively. For example, instead of, “I’ve gone through some difficult relationships and need someone who won’t cheat,” try, “My past experiences have taught me to value honesty, intentionality, and communication.”

Ultimately, your profile should reflect who you are and what you seek. Just be yourself, and you’ll be well on your way to meeting your future spouse.

The following article in this series is on Make Your Choice and Schedule a Video Call during the second week.

The post Joining a Virtual Platform and Making Connections appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

You should be engaged in multiple conversations with potential partners by this time. Odds are good that some stand out to you more than others. Now is an excellent time to select 2 to 3 conversations to devote time to and schedule a video call with them. Be sure to excuse yourself politely from those conversations that are more surface-level. Remember, you’re not just interacting with a computer – you’re communicating with a person, and that person deserves your courtesy and respect.

Goals for the Second Week

For Women:

• Resolve to respond gracefully to messages indicating a desire for deeper interaction and those suggesting otherwise. Pray for help to do so.
• If you’ve been invited to a video call, approach the invitation as an opportunity to get to know someone, not a definitive ruling on whether or not you two will marry. This should be an enjoyable experience, so just be yourself and enjoy the moment.
• Don’t feel obligated to pursue a deeper connection with someone if you’re not as interested in him as he is you. You can politely refuse such an invitation if you feel the person is not a good fit. But try not to be overly selective, either – after all, you haven’t gotten to know these potential partners yet!

For Men:

• Select 2-3 potential partners and indicate that you’d like to spend more time getting to know them by inviting them to a video call.
• Message those women with whom you did not feel as strongly connected to let them know you are pursuing other conversations. Always be polite and thankful for their time.
• While on your calls, keep the conversation light and avoid damaging or controversial topics. The aim is to see whether you two are compatible and might want to progress to an in-person date, not to vent past grievances or hash out your future life prematurely.
• Regardless of how things go, always send a message after your calls thanking your potential partners for their time.

Tips for a Successful Video Call

Video calls are a great way to gauge compatibility, but after communicating exclusively through messages, they can also be a little intimidating. Try these tips to ensure your calls are as successful as possible.

Setting:

• Choose a well-lit area, ideally facing a window or lamp, so your face is visible. If needed, a ring light can also provide the necessary illumination.
• Consider curating the items behind you to say something about your personality. For example, if your call will take place before a bookshelf, which titles could you face toward the camera, or what items might you intersperse between the books to exemplify your style and preferences?
• Avoid hosting your calls in your bedroom or bathroom. Keep it classy!

Personal Preparation:

• Treat your video calls as you would in-person dates. That means wearing clean, flattering clothes that make you feel your best.
• Set your expectations beforehand. This video call is NOT the moment to know whether you’ve met your future spouse – it’s only a means to determine whether you are compatible with this person and would like to progress to in-person dates.
• There may be lulls in the conversation, and that’s okay! Think ahead to some stories you might share in such instances, or consider playing an icebreaker game. Example: Would you rather?

Conversation:

• Keep the conversation optimistic throughout your video call. Now is not the time to discuss exes, expectations, or timelines. Your views on politics should also be shelved for a later date.
• Talk about things you’re passionate about or that make you happy. Topics like hobbies, travel stories, or humorous situations will go a long way toward breaking the ice.
• Never ask your partner intrusive questions about their views or past experiences.
• Remember to smile!

After Your Call:

• Men, always thank your partner for her time. If you’d like to see her again, ask her for an in-person date. If not, graciously indicate that you don’t feel like you two are a great fit but that you appreciate getting to know her and wish her well.
• Ladies, respond similarly if you aren’t interested in seeing your partner again.

The following article in this series is on Taking the Plunge and Planning your First Date during the third week.

The post Make Your Choice and Schedule A Video Call appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

After spending time talking with your preferred partners online and through video chat, now is the time to progress to an in-person meeting and plan your first date. Always remember to be courteous to the people you are not pursuing further connections with and to exit those conversations tactfully and gracefully.

For Women:

• Please only accept in-person dates or follow-up calls with men you feel connected with and genuinely want to see again. Kindly excuse yourself from other invitations.
• Always be safe when meeting someone for the first time – let friends or family know where you’ll be when, and ask someone to check in on you by calling at a particular time during your date.

For Men:

• If you want to see someone again after a video call, invite her to an in-person date. If you two are separated by distance, ask her to do another video call.
• When planning your in-person date, choose a public location and opt for a daytime date, if possible. It’s important that your date feel comfortable when meeting you for the first time.

The Anatomy of a Great First Date

Are you not sure where to start when it comes to planning that first in-person meeting? Include these elements, and you’ll be well on your way to a great first date.

Your Attitude: A positive, optimistic mindset makes a difference when preparing for a date. Regardless of your past dating experiences, this should feel like a fresh start, so resolve to see it that way. Be hopeful! Instead of living in the past or projecting an apprehensive or guarded demeanor, stay in the present and focus on being receptive to the possibility of a meaningful connection.

Think Levity: Choose a low-pressure location or activity for your first date, and opt for a public area so that your date feels safe. Consider meeting at a coffee shop, strolling through a market together, or having a picnic. If your date seems more adventurous, trying a new activity together can be a fun way to get acquainted.

Making your date feel heard and respected is much more important than being eloquent.

Be Flexible: While thinking ahead is a good idea, avoiding rigidity when planning a date is also wise. Have some Plan B options in mind in case your date isn’t keen on the activities you’ve planned, or – better yet – if the date goes well and runs longer than anticipated.

Consider Reciprocity: Conversation is a two-way street, so stay attentive to your date and ask meaningful questions. When asked a question, respond with a similar one to keep the conversation going. Remember to listen attentively to what your date is saying instead of planning for your next question. Making your date feel heard and respected is much more important than being eloquent.

Low Expectations: It may sound counterintuitive, but the less you expect from a first date, the more likely you will be pleasantly surprised – not to mention relaxed! Don’t expect certainty about whether this person will be your spouse, and don’t try to figure it out all at once. Courtship is a marathon, not a sprint, so stay in the moment and leave the wedding planning for another day.

Cherish Honesty: Remember, the point of a date is not to impress the other person or convince them to like you – it’s to discern whether you get along well and want to see each other again. After the date, be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling and how you and your date interacted. If the connection wasn’t as strong as you’d hoped, that’s okay; don’t try to force it. If you had a good time and got along well, don’t let fear or insecurity keep you from moving forward.

The following article in this series is on Getting Offline during the fourth week.

The post Take the Plunge and Plan Your First Date appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Congratulations! You’ve made it to your final week of making connections online for courtship. By now, you should have connected with other singles, gained experience video chatting, and gone on a first date or two. After these experiences, you should feel ready to get offline and pursue an in-person relationship with your partner of choice.

For Women:

• Bring your dates to prayer and ask God to guide you in this final phase of Friendship.
• Evaluate your potential partners based on shared values and interests. Is there one you feel most connected to or comfortable with?
• Only accept an invitation to exclusivity from a man with whom you feel valued and respected and with whom you have a genuine connection. If you’re not excited by the prospect of exclusivity, don’t try to force it. Instead, ask yourself why and learn from this experience.

For Men:

• Spend some time thinking over and praying about the women you’ve interacted with. Is there a particular one that keeps coming to mind?
• If so, send a message thanking this person for a beautiful date and inviting her to pursue an exclusive in-person relationship. Be aware that her feelings may not be reciprocal, and always respect her by responding courteously, even if she declines.
• Learn more about ways you can potentially lead her in the courtship phase.
• If none of the women you’ve met thus far seem like a good fit, return to Week 1 and begin the process again. Your match is out there, so don’t give up!

As you enter the final week of your online courtship journey, take a moment to acknowledge your progress. You may have connected with other singles, engaged in video chats, and even ventured on a few first dates. Consider bringing your experiences and potential partners to prayer as you transition to in-person relationships.

Seek guidance from a place of reflection, asking for clarity as you navigate this friendship phase in courtship. Consider your shared values and interests, allowing these reflections to illuminate the path forward. Remember to approach each interaction with respect, honesty, and an open heart, fostering the growth of meaningful, faith-centered courtship. Embrace the knowledge that your journey toward a sacramental marriage is unfolding. With the right mindset and a genuine connection, you are paving the way for a fulfilling and blessed union.

The post Get Offline During the Fourth Week appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Think of the courtship process as a long road trip. You have a destination in mind, but you’ll also take the time needed to enjoy the journey. Along the way, you explore different routes, encounter unexpected detours, and learn valuable lessons. Similarly, courtship is a journey of discovery; an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your partner, and your shared aspirations. And just like a road trip, your destination of marriage will be all the more fulfilling because of the meaningful journey that led you there.

In this article, we’ll briefly discuss the four stages of Catholic courtship, their defining characteristics, and some suggestions to make the most out of your “trip.”

A. Friendship/Interest Development

Whereas secular culture looks down on the idea of being friends with a potential spouse (you don’t want to get “friend zoned,” after all), courtship recognizes and appreciates the value of getting to know someone as a friend before pursuing a more serious relationship. At this stage in your courtship journey, you’ll likely be spending time together in larger friend groups instead of one-on-one. If such dates do occur, they’ll be more casual, such as meeting for coffee. Exclusivity isn’t a concern at this point, as you could easily be friends with several people at the same time. It’s both proper and ethical for a man to pay attention to several women at the same time.

While still in the friendship phase, the man should, through informal measures, ascertain that progressing into the next stage would be mutually desirable. You should be looking for the following markers in your potential partner:

• Is the person committed to the Catholic faith and lives according to its teachings?
• Does this person have good character and maturity?
• Does this person possess enough virtue and morals?
• Do you have things in common besides your faith, such as aspirations in family life?
• Are you physically attracted to this person (not that it should be a top priority)?

The friendship stage shouldn’t last for very long; three months is generally considered an appropriate time limit. If you’re still not interested in pursuing an exclusive relationship at this point, you should be honest about it. A woman’s time is valuable and should be treated as such. Conversely, you should never press for exclusivity before the three-month mark.

The Friendship or Interest Development phase comes to an end whenever the man makes a formal approach to the woman and/or her parents with the intent of courtship. Remember, courtship is a journey. If you want to get to your destination, you’ll have to invest an appropriate amount of time to get there.

B. Courtship/Exclusive Relationship

Once you’ve gotten to know your partner as a friend and have formally expressed the desire to enter into an exclusive relationship or sought the approval of her parents to court her, you’ll have moved on to the second stage in your journey, which typically lasts anywhere from three to twelve months. At this point, exclusivity is key. Pause your online accounts and don’t reactivate them unless you and your partner decide that you’re not compatible for marriage.

This is also the time at which you’ll shift from group dates with friends to spending time with each others’ families. This is a very important step because when two people come together in matrimony, they don’t do so in isolation. In the Faith of Millions, Father O’Brien observed that “the tendency of young people to confide in no one about their engagement or courtship, and to keep the whole affair a secret until after marriage, closes the door to many helpful influences which would at least lessen the danger of an obviously unwise choice.” Furthermore, he states:

The young person considering marriage should consider the qualities of the mind and heart employ prudential judgment and listen to the voice of reason. Often listening to the advice of parents and sensible persons should be considered as their counsel could represent what a blind man could have pointed out that the ones with vision failed to see.

John O’Brien

The family cultures that have shaped you and your partner will play a big role in creating your new life together, so it’s of the utmost importance that you take the time to become acquainted with those people, cultures, and traditions before deciding to marry. Courtship, in a traditional sense, involves parental oversight, while allowing the man and the woman to develop their feelings and discern organically.

During this phase, one-on-one dates will also become more common, but both parties should be cautious when it comes to company-keeping. It should be conducted in a safe environment where spending time alone would not become an occasion of sin. Demonstrating physical affection (such as kissing, necking, and petting) at this phase is quite imprudent as feelings developed for one another that fail to culminate into a lasting union or marriage would prove to be emotionally painful, especially for the woman. Even simple touches can cause physiological reactions that promote the bonding process between couples. If you’re still not sure of whether or not you and your partner are compatible for marriage – that is, no engagement or betrothal has taken place – it would be irresponsible to communicate the contrary with your actions.

During this stage, practical discussions about raising children, financial situations, preferred living locations, and so on are to be discussed. The man has to work to strengthen their friendship and shared interests. It is important to demonstrate the qualities that make you a marriage-worthy man. For example, being willing to sacrifice for your partner and provide for her, being attentive to her needs and eager to meet them, and demonstrating the ability to deny yourself for her benefit. Consistently responding to her with empathy and care will go a long way toward fostering the kind of deep emotional bond that will encourage her to trust you without reservation.

C. Betrothal/Engagement

This phase begins with a formal promise of marriage. Once you’ve discerned and carefully evaluated your time together and made the decision to commit your lives to each other, you’ll need to approach your partner’s father to ask his permission to marry his daughter. Following his approval, you’ll be free to propose to your bride-to-be and continue on your journey to marriage. At this point, some couples will opt to complete a Solemn Rite of Betrothal, which is a contract in the traditional rite and involves making a series of promises to each other in the presence of a priest. Once completed, the betrothed couple is bound to enter into marriage at the set date, excepting a grave cause. This phase typically lasts between six months to one year. In some places, the Church can marry an engaged couple within three months, other places have a six-month to one-year benchmark.

During this stage, you’ll be preparing more intensely for marriage, likely by completing a pre-marriage course at your parish and spending time with your partner sorting out the practical details of your new life together. Here comes the planning for a wedding and all that comes with starting a future life. It’s an exciting time, so enjoy every minute, but be sure to keep your focus where it belongs – on God, your partner, and your relationship. This period also is full of trials and a test of one’s fidelity to Catholic morality, as well as values. It involves spiritual preparation and prayers. In short, the ethical and moral nature of a relationship between a young catholic man and woman during engagement or betrothal should be within the boundaries of Catholic teachings. It is usually at this phase that a lot of couples fall and become lapse into lust. Therefore, continency and self-denial – a control of the biological urges – should be paramount. More than anything, you’ll be practicing deferred gratification, the ability to sacrifice for the sake of the one you love. This phase concludes on the wedding day.

D. Marriage/Matrimony

Congratulations! At this stage, you’ve reached your destination: a holy and loving marriage built on God’s will for your lives. But this doesn’t mean your journey is over – far from it! Now is the time when you’ll truly settle into your shared life, getting to know each other even more deeply, finding your routine, and hopefully raising a family. The same qualities of self-sacrifice, attention, care, and provision that led you along the road of courtship will be instrumental in demonstrating your enduring commitment to your wife and family. Thankfully, after your journey, you’ve now got a lot of practice! This phase typically lasts forever, excepting the death of one’s spouse.

The post Stages of Catholic Courtship: The Man’s Guide appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.