404 Not Found

In a world where casual dating and all sorts of “alternative” types of relationships have become the norm, single Catholic women can feel like the walls are closing in on them. Even within the Catholic sphere, it is often daunting to connect with men, even those who share a similar faith and worldview.

While much ink has been spilled advising Catholic women about how to brave this storm and find “Mr. Right,” it is important to stay sane during the search. There is no use in chasing your vocation if you end up losing your self-esteem and peace of mind while at it. Instead, these three practices may prove much more helpful in maintaining cheerfulness inside a mind that ardently dreams of a Catholic married life.

I. Do not worry

To quote St. Padre Pio, “Worry is useless.” Why? Because more than half of the things we worry about never come to pass. Most times, the evil one puts hypothetical scenarios in our heads to make us doubt our prayers and God’s ability to hear them.

Have you ever woken up at night with a thousand thoughts about growing old and lonely, never meeting “the one,” or raising children? Those thoughts are not supposed to be there, and my first piece of advice is to soundly disregard them whenever they come knocking.

Instead, pray and offer up your sufferings of loneliness to God on behalf of your future spouse and family. Meditate on the various scenes of Christ’s life in which he was lonely (for example, his Passion and death). Make frequent visits to the Blessed Sacrament and unite the pangs of your loneliness to that of Him who often sits in the repository with no one to comfort Him. Do not look at or envy other women whom you notice are courting, engaged, or married because it will only make you bitter. And finally, be grateful to God for this phase of singleness He is letting you experience and use it for good.

II. Live an Authentic Catholic Life

You’re probably already familiar with these points: Frequent Mass, Adoration, and Confession, exercise diligence in one’s duty of state in life, etc. It can be dulling to hear the same thing times without number, but this advice is not only restricted to single people, and there’s a reason: To truly follow Christ in this world, you need strength from the Sacraments, which provide the necessary graces to do what is required of you by God in the present day. And that includes the grace of a peaceful mind.

If you are someone who is actively pursuing your vocation with as much virtue as you can practice, of course, you’ll be open to some spiritual and mental attacks from the devil. These include temptations to self-doubt, frustration, despair, etc. – all of which we would succumb to if left to our own devices.

So, frequent the Sacraments, read good books (including those concerning the marriage vocation), nurture holy friendships, be diligent in your duty of state in life, and use your time judiciously. It is in paying attention to these small obligations that God slowly prepares us for and leads us toward our future spouse.

As Christ said, “He that is faithful in that which is least, is faithful also in that which is greater: and he that is unjust in that which is little, is unjust also in that which is greater.” -Luke 16:10.

In sum, prove to God that you can serve Him faithfully in singleness so that He can give you the greater task of serving Him in marriage.

III. Embrace your femininity in active preparation for your vocation.

To marry the kind of man you want, you must become the kind of woman that a man of similar affiliation may want. If you lean more into your essence as a woman, it is only natural that a good, masculine man will be attracted to you. Logically, now is the time to live in your femininity to attract a good Catholic spouse. Moreover, doing this will help you prepare for marriage and family, which thrives when a woman possesses the virtue of femininity.

It is quite difficult for women in the modern age to embrace femininity, an idea that is popularly considered archaic. However, since womanhood is our natural essence, we will only ever be ourselves when we lean into our femininity. Of course, the picture or expression of femininity varies from woman to woman, but the point of reference for all is the recognition of our nurturing nature.

There are numerous guides and well-written books on the essence of femininity from a Catholic/Christian perspective, and the first step to discovering your unique expression of femininity is to study those resources in order to know who you are and who you should show yourself to be as a Catholic woman. Some such books include The Anti-Mary Exposed by Carrie Gress and Reveal the Gift (Living the Feminine Genius) by Lisa Cotter.

Another good practice is to engage in hobbies that nurture your femininity, especially those that are relationship-oriented. To sharpen your feminine intuition, practice caring for the various relationships and communities in your life. Since we are all different, these hobbies/affiliations will look different from woman to woman, but they can all help you to get more comfortable with and embrace your femininity.

You might consider taking up a craft, such as sewing or cooking, to gift the important people in your life with handmade tokens of affection. Or perhaps you could volunteer in your community, either at your parish, local school, or a shelter. Any activity that allows you to cultivate the gifts of nurturing and service that are so integral to femininity can fit the bill.

In Summary

Though these three tips are inherently useful in navigating the single phase, without a doubt, there are many more practices that a single Catholic woman may include in her daily life to make her time of waiting worthwhile.

Have you discovered any more in your journey to marriage? Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments. What are the things you do or that you think add value to your single phase as a Catholic woman?

The post 3 Best Practices for Single Catholic Women appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

The Virgin Mary is an iconic model for us Catholics. However, for us Catholic women, she poses a special example, because she is like us in our most essential attribute: Womanhood.

The state of femininity in our current culture strongly testifies to the need for more women to accept their God-given role in society. Indeed, Our Lady, a mother, and a virgin, can provide insights for women from all walks of life, and imitating her involves nothing more than looking at her virtues and finding pragmatic ways they may be incorporated into our daily lives as ladies.

Humility and Receptivity

The Church considers humility as the foundation of all virtues because it is upon humility that all other virtues can be built. Humility allows us to recognize our poor state as fallen humans and, therefore, see our need to be granted goods. As a result, it enables us to constantly seek God’s mercy, goodness, and providence in our lives. 

In light of this, humility is most responsible for developing femininity; without it, the art of receiving is almost impossible to cultivate. To be feminine is to be receptive. Do you wonder why the Church is always considered ‘mother’? The Church is spoken about in the feminine pronoun because she receives us as her children and nourishes us in the teachings and precepts that she has received from Christ. The Virgin Mary does the same in a far more personal manner. She lived her life only receiving and pondering on God’s graces.

As St. Joseph’s wife, she lived in complete receptivity to God’s providence through her husband’s hands. As Our Lord’s mother, she was receptive to His will in suffering and dying for mankind. As our mother, she is always there to receive our prayers and pray for us in return.

Today, the notion of receptivity in women is looked down upon, because of the false idea that it makes women weaker. A perfect example is the posters boasting the slogan, ‘Chivalry is dead’. If it is, why did it die? Why have women grown so repulsive to the idea of receiving from men, or even other women? Receptivity does not make you weaker. It is pride that gives you the illusion that you need no help or gift.

When you are gifted, complimented, or helped, be grateful and show that you are. In family life, friends, and work environments do not be afraid to ask for help when needed, whatever the issue may be. In your spousal relationship, practice being receptive to your husband in little and big things alike. Show appreciation from the heart when something is done for you, no matter who has done it or the quality of the favor.

In your relationship with God, recognize your utter dependence on him in everything you do -prayer and duties. There is strength in giving, but I believe there is more in receiving. And only humility can help you receive well.

Purity and Childlikeness

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But, when I became a man, I put away the things of a child.” -1 Cor. 13:11.

St. Paul is right. However, the only things of a child that should not be put away are purity (innocence) and childlikeness. Apart from the fact that Our Lady is perpetually pure, her life can be seen as an example of child-like confidence in God. Though she harbored difficulties and uncertainties while caring for her Divine Son, she always carefully placed them under His consideration. In Church tradition, it is said that she always besought the Lord with humble and quiet entreaties.

As a child, it is beneficial to see life innocently and to let go of the many cares that may make us sulky, bitter, or frustrated with life. Being a child is synonymous with being happy, even on the rainy days. There is always something to be grateful for, and of the things that worry us, humble confidence in God never fails.

The next time you get anxious about something, resolve to take it to prayer and confidently leave it before God’s feet. Then run outside, like a child, and play. Smile and find things that make you happy. His providence has never failed me. Instead, I have found that most of the things I worry about never come to fruition.

Modesty and Meekness

Modesty has become a topic of contention, even among Christian circles. Though it is not an unimportant topic, I see that ‘modesty in dressing’ is often more talked about than ‘modesty in conduct’. As women, our outward appearance should reflect our dignity. However, no matter how modest we become in appearance, if our conduct is sullying, it’ll be much more damaging.

The previous statements on humility may be considered here. Modesty is the virtue moderating our outward appearance and conduct, and to do so requires humility. It is said of Our Lady that while on earth, her apparel and behavior reflected that she was the handmaid of the Lord. Even in Marian apparitions, where her clothing and mannerisms are described, she is always modest. Her modesty adds so much to her mystique and gives testament to her status as the Queen of Heaven and Earth. Even on Earth, royals are always seen to behave and dress modestly.

So why not improve your feminine mystique by developing the virtues of modesty and meekness? Resolve to think before speech or action. Will your next word or deed help your neighbor or praise God? Put consideration into your clothing styles and choices, because dressing well is a virtue in and of itself. Be slow to anger and frustration, whether it be from friends, families, and especially enemies. You could also resolve to shun the vainglory that comes from the inordinate expression of yourself, whether it be in clothing or behavior.

Finally, many more Marian virtues can be discussed concerning growing as a feminine woman. But the most important is humility, from which all other virtues stem. The more you become virtuous, the more you will develop in your femininity, and the more you will resemble Our Lady.

The post 3 Virtues Single Women Can Learn from the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Are you one of those ladies who is confident in her femininity without needing to say anything, yet have you felt alone among the company because you are not one of the more outspoken women in the group? While other ladies seem to ‘get on’ with the other people, you sit there like a photograph of Audrey Hepburn, smiling at jokes you don’t understand while crafting sentences in your head that never get spoken.

If this sounds familiar, you may be a sensitive introvert, and you’re in good company. Read on to discover how to deal with this dilemma, accept yourself for who you are, and be as confident on the inside as you seem on the outside.

You Are Not Alone

Everyone is born with a dose of timidness. Some are born with doses as huge as a pint or two; others are born with a dose as small as a vial. Either way, everyone has a sense of self-awareness that sometimes (or more often, likely) makes them feel ‘like they don’t belong’.

The ladies who may appear to be more in sync with conversations (especially with the opposite sex), who are always in just the right mood, are never shy, or who often tell the right jokes, would attest to the same difficulty of timidness. It’s just that they handle it differently.

Of course, as an acclaimed introvert, you may feel it more than the average lady in the room, but the important thing to learn is this: You are not alone.

But, if so, how come you’re the only one seeming to care about it? How do those extroverted ladies overcome their timidness and show more confidence? And how might you imitate them in that regard?

I. Be Yourself

Everyone is born differently. Some are extroverted and find relaxation in standing out. Others find solace in quietly recharging themselves with a cup of tea. Some are just in the middle.

Understand that most ladies with a more outreaching personality are just being themselves. The way they step out of their shyness and relax is by being more extroverted.

If you, as a sensitive woman, feel foolish or awkward because you are not contributing as much to the conversation or are not talking enough to the man in the corner that you really like, I suggest you close your eyes, shut out all the noise, and just… be yourself. You are a lady, already confident in your femininity, and if the way you express it is different from your fellow Godly women, it’s okay. There is no need to try to be something that you’re not – trust me.

Now, you may be thinking: “Yes, I know all of this. I know that I should be myself, and I know that I am confident in myself as a Godly woman. But why do I still find myself comparing my looks or personality to that of other women? And how do I stop that?”

II. Improve Your Self-Perception

Consider this: the things you find admirable in other women may be a source of low self-esteem for them. Likewise, the same negative thoughts going through your mind when you’re internalizing your worth may be about the very things that other people find attractive!

Often, these things are things you cannot necessarily change; physical traits like looks, smiles, the way your voice or laugh sounds, etc. However, perceptions of behavior (a changeable quality) might also come into play.

Notice how people respond when you interact with them. By all means, if you sense that you come off as snobbish or aloof when speaking to people, pay attention to the instinct. Better yet, ask a friend and listen to their verdict on the matter, because sometimes, people’s reaction to your behavior may have nothing to do with you. But if not, be less severe with yourself. When people look at you (especially men), they do not necessarily see you; they see an ideal of you – that is, the aura you carry.

This is especially true for somebody who may not know you very well. If you are an intensely feminine woman (whether sensitive or not), people will perceive you as the type of charisma you carry around. Looks do not matter. It’s what’s inside.

So, if you are worried that the other women are prettier, more extroverted, or better at ‘fitting in’, you are mistaken. Their prettiness or funniness has little or nothing to do with it. It’s their charisma. And you should consider bringing your unique and attractive charisma to the table, even if it’s silence most of the way.

III. Know Your Worth

Remember that you are valuable. Silence and organized sound are what make a symphony. Your sensitivity or inwardness is also of great use in this world, giving you the incredible capability to see and even feel the joys and sufferings of your neighbor more acutely. So, the next time you are in a room full of people or a group conversation and genuinely have nothing to say or do but watch other people express themselves, rest in the fact that you are partaking in all their experiences in a deeper way. What better way to express your femininity – and indeed, imitate Our Lord – who is always leaning a listening ear to our broken hearts?

Lastly, remember that it’s alright to be sensitive. It’s who you are and honestly, is the essence of healthy femininity. Just look at Our Lady, who frequently chose to ponder contemplatively before speaking. Embrace introversion, but don’t let it devour you. Find an outlet (i.e. a hobby) that you love; help your community the best way you fancy; and give the unquenchable ache to the Sacred Heart in prayer. Because in the end, God understands best what’s in your heart, and He will lead you securely along your path to love.

The post Quiet Ladies: Don’t be Ashamed of Being Quiet! appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.