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Let’s explore the purpose and intent behind dating and courtship, focusing on the importance of compatibility in courtship. Unlike casual dating, which may not lead to marriage, courtship is intentional and centered on evaluating long-term compatibility and the potential for a lifelong commitment.

We’ll look at these distinctions in more detail, highlighting the exclusivity and serious evaluation involved in courtship compared to the more relaxed approach of dating.

Courtship is Future-Focused

One of the most essential components of courtship is honest evaluation with an eye to a potential future marriage. It’s not just about whether a couple likes the same movies or enjoys the same food. It’s about discovering shared values and life goals and learning to understand and anticipate each other’s emotional needs. It’s a process meant to establish a strong emotional connection, and it often involves seeking insights from family or spiritual leaders.

Unlike casual dating, courtship is a purposeful endeavor that signifies readiness for a lifelong union. It involves a series of sequential steps, starting with friendship and progressing to a formal courtship, in which the couple gets to know each other deeply, understands each other’s aspirations, and makes plans for a shared future.

In courtship, the focus is on evaluating compatibility for marriage and determining if a couple is ready to make that serious commitment. It’s not just about finding a date for Saturday night, or even just about finding a partner – it’s about discernment and preparation for a life together.

Dating is Present-Focused

Contrary to courtship, dating often caters to those seeking casual companionship, entertainment, and a chance to explore diverse relationship dynamics without an immediate goal of marriage. Casual outings and entertainment are often the focus of such dating experiences, with a couple’s attention directed toward short-term enjoyment and fun exploration, rather than a long-term commitment.

Dating in this light can allow individuals the opportunity to learn and grow personally, coming to a better understanding of what one seeks in a partner, how to communicate effectively, and how to respect and compromise for harmonious interaction. Of course, safety must be a priority in these explorations, with an understanding that mutual consent, respect, and transparency are fundamental.

This form of dating can be a vibrant and enriching part of one’s life journey, provided it’s undertaken with a clear mind and a respectful attitude. However, without the structure and intentionality that courtship provides, there is always a danger that a couple will continue to put off serious discernment and discussion until a later date.

How to Gage Long-Term Compatibility in Courtship

Because courtship is about building a serious relationship with the intention of marriage, courting couples should consider the following:

1. Gauging long-term compatibility: Can you see yourselves growing old together?
2. Checking marriage intent: Are both parties interested in marriage or is one person not as committed?
3. Evaluating relationship seriousness: Is this a relationship you’re both committed to or is it one-sided?
4. Considering lifelong partnership: Do you both have the same goals and values for your future together?

If so, you may be well on your way to a fulfilling, rewarding, and – most importantly – sanctifying marriage.

The post Assessing Long-Term Compatibility in Courtship appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

While dating often entails casual outings and fun, courtship centers around family involvement and purposeful interactions. Remember that dating is essential to initially assess compatibility before entering into courtship and to continue to build a strong bond between partners. However, if couples do not progress beyond this phase, they will likely struggle to evaluate long-term compatibility for marriage. This is why the structure, intentionality, and discipline of courtship are so important.

Below, we’ll consider some essential characteristics of courtship, and compare them to dating.

I. The goal of courtship is marriage

In contrast to the casual nature of dating, the first and most important aspect of courtship is the emphasis on family involvement and purposeful interactions. Courtship emphasizes family involvement and intentional, purposeful interactions. We often hear about intentionality in relationships, a value that many young men and women shy away from due to a lack of interest in commitment. This is a problem many face when dating – being unequally yoked with someone who isn’t desirous of a long-term commitment.

On the other hand, couples enter into a courtship with hopes that they may have found their potential spouse and pursue such hope with intentionality. This allows individuals to build a strong relationship foundation based on commitment and shared values while encouraging open and honest communication. These interactions aren’t just casual chats about superficial preferences, but deep conversations that reveal character, convictions, and long-term goals.

The family also plays an important role in courtship by providing moral oversight and guidance, which can bring a sense of safety and assurance that the couple is making a good decision in moving forward toward marriage. As the saying goes, you don’t just marry a person; you marry their family. Because courtship is focused on discerning marriage, family relationships will play a large part in said discernment process.

II. Courtship is values-based

Another important factor to consider while dating is the lack of definitive values and morals to uphold, which may lead to situations that compromise our moral values.

In its casual form, dating can create ethical dilemmas, particularly when relationship boundaries aren’t delineated. It can also lead to a conflict of values when the moral standards of the individuals involved fail to align cohesively.

This can particularly manifest in the area of intimacy concerns, when the casual nature of dating leads to a relaxation of personal and moral standards in some, and a disappointment at said relaxation in others.

The best way to ensure an alignment of beliefs and values is to enter into courtship, which is not only values-based but also marriage-oriented.

III. Courtship is focused on the long-term

Shifting our focus from the structured world of courtship, we find that dating often centers more on casual fun and short-term enjoyment. While courtship is geared towards serious relationships and commitment, dating is often seen as a more laid-back process. This doesn’t mean dating can’t lead to serious relationships, however, that is typically not its primary purpose.

Dating, in its essence, involves casual relationships. It’s about meeting different people, enjoying their company, and having fun. This can take the form of:

1. Short-Term Flings: Temporary relationships focused on fun rather than commitment.
2. Casual Outings: Going out for meals, movies, or other activities without the serious undertones of courtship.
3. Lack of Commitment: In dating, the emphasis is usually on enjoyment rather than long-term commitment.
4. Moral Compromise: Sometimes, dating can lead to situations where personal values are compromised for the sake of fun or attraction.

The Bottom Line

Contrary to dating, courtship explicitly aims to evaluate long-term compatibility and suitability for marriage. It’s a process designed to appraise whether a couple can make a long-term commitment, with marriage as the ultimate goal. It’s about a deeper, intentional connection, not just a fun and casual meet-up.

We aren’t suggesting that dating is negative; it’s simply a different approach to relationships. However, when engaging in casual dating it’s very important to be clear about your intentions and respectful of others’ feelings.

The post How Does Courtship Compare to Dating? appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Before moving forward in our series, let’s first take a moment to clear up some common misconceptions about courtship and dating. Some use both words interchangeably simply because couples in courtship could use the word “date” when describing an activity in which both engage together. However, this misunderstanding arises from a lack of differentiation between dates and dating. Although the terms ‘dates’ and ‘dating’ may seem synonymous, there are subtle differences that impact both relationship progression and expectations.

Dating dynamics can be intricate and multi-faceted, leading to a blend of interpretations and practices. These relationship differences are important when maneuvering the complex world of romantic interactions, so it’s essential to understand them.

When one says, “We’re going on a date,” it typically implies the individual outing or activity you participate in with someone you’re interested in. This could be a dinner, a movie, or a walk in the park. But just because you go on dates doesn’t mean you’re in the dating phase of a relationship. A date is an activity, while dating is a process. Look at it this way: when a married couple goes out on a Friday evening for a planned dinner or a social event, they are on a date. Would that mean they’re dating? Of course not. They’re simply spending quality time together to foster a better emotional connection, which is an important aspect of their marital relationship.

Therefore, those in the courtship stage can enjoy dates without interchanging their courtship with dating. From the perspective of courtship, dating is the act of regularly going on dates with the same person, intending to get to know them better to determine if you are compatible enough to progress to an active discernment of marriage – in other words, to enter into courtship.

Even after an exclusive and intentional relationship has been established, going on dates doesn’t dilute the seriousness of courtship. Instead, it enriches the process by allowing couples to build a better connection by spending quality time together. The contrast to those couples who are simply ‘dating’ is that such couples may simply continue moving from date to date without taking the time to establish an end goal or discuss more serious matters like faith, values, and marriage, leading to a potentially drawn-out discernment phase, if ever a discernment period is undertaken.

So Dating is Still Part of Courtship?

Yes. Despite common misconceptions, courting couples can indeed enjoy going on dates as part of their relationship journey. This isn’t a contradiction to courtship’s principles but rather an essential aspect of relationship building. Going on dates allows couples to spend quality time together, fostering an emotional connection.

These shared experiences often lead to meaningful conversations that deepen their understanding of each other. By exploring different environments and situations, couples can examine their compatibility and assess how well they deal with real-life scenarios. Dates offer a safe environment in which to express thoughts, concerns, aspirations, and dreams in a relaxed setting.

Contrary to popular belief, courtship is not all about formalities and rigid rules; in comparison to dating, it’s the quality of interaction and connection that truly makes the difference.

The post If We Go on Dates, Aren’t We Dating? appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Though typically used interchangeably, courtship and dating are not the same thing. Courtship, a process with deep historical roots, is an intentional journey aimed at marriage, often with significant family and community involvement. It’s a sincere, traditional, and purposeful journey with clear end goals that are not just personal but also communal, invoking a sense of respect for our cultural heritage.

Dating, on the other hand, is a more modern phenomenon, and can be more casual and explorative, offering individuals the freedom to get to know each other without definite commitments or fixed aims. While both may lead to enduring relationships, they offer different partnership experiences and approaches.

In this introduction, we’ll explore the significant differences between courtship and dating, examining their unique characteristics, purposes, and commitment levels. From tracing their historical origins, we find that courtship was traditionally viewed as a path to marriage, while dating emerged as a more casual, modern practice.

In today’s world, societal norms around relationships have evolved. Dating has become widely accepted in its many forms, sometimes overshadowing the traditional practice of courtship. However, for many people, the intent and seriousness of courtship offer a sense of safety and clarity that modern dating practices may lack.

In this series, we’ll explore these aspects further, providing an in-depth analysis of courtship and dating. We aim to offer a thorough understanding of both concepts, helping you make informed decisions about finding a life partner.

Defining Courtship and Dating

So to begin, what exactly are courtship and dating, and how do they differ from each other? Let’s peel back the layers of these two distinct interactions, considering both historical context and modern perspectives.

1. Courtship: Courtship, often seen through the lens of cultural differences, involves intentionally pursuing a partner with the aim of marriage. It’s a structured process adhering to societal norms and often involving family input, reflecting its historical roots in arranged marriages. The psychological impact of courtship is significant as it sets a clear trajectory towards a life-long commitment, providing a sense of security to both partners.
2. Dating: Dating is a more casual process. It’s a modern phenomenon that varies from person to person and culture to culture. Because it lacks an accompanying moral or behavioral code or even a common objective, it can range anywhere from casual social interactions to serious relationships.
3. The key difference lies in the intent. Courtship is a serious, deliberate process aimed at marriage, while dating can be more exploratory and casual.
4. Both have their pros and cons. Courtship’s clear path provides security, while dating’s flexibility allows for personal growth and discovery.

The post Is Courtship and Dating the Same Thing? appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

It’s a common scenario: Traditional-minded women want a man to make the first move and take the lead in courtship, so they choose to wait for masculine initiation. But when courtship moves to the online sphere, these same women often find themselves fruitlessly waiting for a man to find them. How to get around this frustrating quandary? The answer is simple, if not a bit controversial – initiate a conversation!

Marie was concerned with this very problem when she first joined The CatholicCourtship in 2023. But when she saw Jack’s profile, something changed.

“I think it was an inspiration,” she reflects. “It can be a risk because you want a man to lead, but online, it’s a different story.”

In a public setting, after all, a woman could be noticed by a man without her needing to say a word. But on an online platform, profiles can get lost in the crowd, especially if the person you’re hoping to speak with is living a fair distance away.

Marie also thought about her sisters, who, though courting in person, had to strategically place themselves in the paths of their romantic interests before those men began to notice the girls’ attention. Liking a profile or sending a message seemed to be the online equivalent.

“A woman has to make herself known, especially with distance,” Marie attests. “It’s not a bad thing for a woman to say hi. If a man sees that interest, it might pique his own.”

But that brings us back to our first conundrum: Will a couple maintain traditional gender roles in a relationship where the woman initiates?

“I wasn’t the type to make the first move because I thought, ‘How can I turn the roles around afterward so that the man pursues?’” Marie shares. “But Jack took the lead in the relationship by addressing more serious topics and driving the conversation. At that point, things changed.”

After that exchange, their relationship proceeded along the anticipated traditional trajectory all the way to marriage, celebrated exactly one year after Marie had sent her first message.

Of course, while she encourages traditional women to be more open to making themselves known, Marie also cautions them to discern whether the men they’re conversing with are ready or willing to claim that leadership role like Jack did.

“You have to talk to determine where the other is in virtue and see whether they’re willing to embrace that traditionally masculine role.”

Regardless of who makes the first move, ultimately, it will be the man’s responsibility to adopt a position of leadership if he wants to progress along the path of traditional courtship.

But before that can take place, profiles need to be liked, and messages sent. Marie’s advice in this regard applies to both men and women.

“Say something the guy can identify with,” Marie suggests. “Mention something that interested you in his profile, or ask a thoughtful question.”

And then leave the rest in God’s hands, knowing that you’ve done your part and that the right man will respond in kind.

The post Should a Traditional-minded Woman Make the First Move Online? appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

If you’ve ever tried your hand at long-distance courtship, you’re likely very familiar with how challenging it can be to get to know someone without the luxury of spending time in each other’s company. But with authentically faithful Catholics becoming harder to find, limiting yourself to courting locally might be hindering your chances of finding a spouse.

What’s a single and seeking Catholic to do? Learn from the experts, of course!

Jack and Marie, The CatholicCourtship’s first official couple, spent their entire courtship separated by a daunting thousand miles. But by approaching their courtship with intention, they were able to connect, grow in mutual understanding and affection, and ultimately, discern marriage.

Why Consider Long-Distance Courtship?

“The pool is so small, you definitely have to be open,” Jack claims. “You have to be willing to accept God’s invitation and literally go the distance.”

Coming from a previous relationship with someone who was Catholic, but not necessarily on the same page as himself, Jack speaks from personal experience. Knowing that he needed to make a decision that would be best for his future family, Jack chose to end the relationship in order to search for a woman with whom he could build a life together. As it turns out, that woman was living several states away.

Marie had also experienced her share of disappointments in dating before meeting Jack. Having already been in a long-distance relationship before, she knew exactly what would be required of her and Jack should they choose to begin the process of courtship. But she encourages single Catholics to be willing to embrace uncertainty, especially if it seems like the person they’re considering long-distance dating shares their beliefs and values.

Tips for Navigating a Long-Distance Relationship

Could you successfully navigate a long-distance relationship? You’ll be well on your way by following Jack and Marie’s advice:

1. Know yourself and know your faith

If you aren’t yet sure of who you are, what you believe, and what you need in a spouse, no relationship – long-distance or otherwise – is going to work. But this self-knowledge is particularly important when it comes to long-distance relationships because, without the ability to observe a person’s behavior or habits outside of the home, you and your partner will have to rely solely on verbal communication to express the unique facets of who you are and how you live.

If you haven’t already taken the time to do so, consider honestly reflecting on these questions so that, when the time comes, you will be able to share openly and confidently about what matters most to you.

2. Be willing to go the distance

Obviously, there are going to be additional costs associated with a long-distance relationship, primarily the cost of travel, lodging, and taking time off work. If you’re unable to travel for whatever reason, be wary of entering into a long-distance relationship, or of giving someone the impression that a long-distance relationship is a possibility.

But going the distance doesn’t just refer to physical distance. It also requires a willingness to be vulnerable and to make sacrifices for the good of the relationship.

“How much does a relationship mean to you?” Jack asks. “You’re going to have to work with each other, squash your pride, and find a balance between partners. Be willing to go the extra mile.”

3. Be intentional about sharing

Jack and Marie both acknowledge that the reason their relationship was able to progress to marriage is because of how much effort and care they put into their daily communication.

“We both put each other first,” Marie shares. “I could tell that Jack was putting time into the relationship. We talked every day and shared our lives. We were inseparable even before we met.”

Honesty and openness will go a long way (pun intended!) toward establishing a solid foundation of trust between partners.

The Day-to-Day of Long-Distance Relationships

What will your daily routine with a long-distance partner look like, practically speaking? If you and your partner are separated by distance, consider implementing these tips:

• Schedule regular phone or video calls instead of relying on text messages
• Express your expectations and hopes for the relationship early, to establish a routine that works best for your particular situation 
• Take photos or videos documenting what you’re doing throughout the day to share with your partner
• Coordinate prayer times so that both partners attend Mass or make a Holy Hour at the same time, whatever your time zones
• If possible, plan to meet within the first month or two of communicating
• Make thoughtful gestures, such as mailing a hand-written letter, arranging for a delivery of flowers on a special date, or creating a playlist to share
• Try new things “together” by taking up a new hobby at the same time
• Keep an element of fun in the mix by playing games, such as Would You Rather, 20 Questions, or charades

The Bottom Line

Long-distance relationships are difficult, to be sure, but with proper care and attention, they can also grow to become loving, committed partnerships, made stronger by their shared trial.

“We don’t take our relationship for granted because of the effort required,” Marie attests. “We value it so much more.”

Perhaps the saying is sound – absence really does make the heart grow fonder!

The post Surviving Long-Distance Courtship: Advice from Jack and Marie! appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Often, meeting people in person can be a daunting task. From living in a small town with little or no eligible singles to being engulfed in a parish community saturated with married couples to not having enough sample of singles who share their values and goals, young single Catholics continue to face myriads of courtship challenges. The social fabric of our lives is increasingly becoming less communal and more individualistic owing to the rise in the use of technology for human connections.

For Catholics, living in the modern world means learning to adapt to it without losing the chief values that define us. It’s about prioritizing our faith and the Church’s teachings in our daily life undertakings, and we can do this even in the digital age. We’re not entirely immune to the influences of technology, especially as a tool for facilitating human connections. Still, we can choose how we respond to them, always keeping our faith and values at the forefront. 

As single Catholics, we must understand that while meeting potential spouses in person seems ideal and desirable, many successful Catholic families began their initial acquaintance-making journey from online platforms. This couple, who met on our matchmaking platform, is a few weeks away from being joined together in Holy Matrimony. 

In this short series of guides, we’ll offer concise insights into how you can make connections online for the purposes of courtship without incurring the headache of “online dating fatigue.”

What exactly is courtship, and how does it differ from dating? In one of our previous articles, we explored the topic of courtship and the different stages. Before we begin, we must refresh our minds on how courtship differs from modern dating. Firstly, courtship has a specific destination in mind: a sacramental marriage. Whereas dating can lead to undefined, ongoing relationships, courtship is an intentional process by which two people who both know their destination discover whether they will become partners in the journey.

Courtship moves through 4 distinct stages:

Friendship: At this stage, you’ll get to know multiple potential partners and interact with them in a friendly, casual manner. This stage aims to build a foundation upon which to grow if you should enter into an exclusive relationship. Significant questions to consider here include:

• Is this person committed to the Catholic faith?
• Do we have things in common besides our faith?
• Am I physically attracted to this person?
• Does this person have the zeal for a virtuous life?
• Do I enjoy spending time with this person?
• Do I want to spend more time together?

Courtship/Exclusive Relationship: Once you’ve identified the person you’re most interested in and most compatible with, you will enter into an exclusive relationship in which you both suspend your online accounts and spend time together in person, meeting both families and discussing a possible future.

Betrothal/Engagement: If you discern and decide to commit your lives to each other, you’ll enter into the engagement phase, in which you’ll spend more time preparing for marriage through a preparatory course and discussing the practical details of your upcoming marriage.

Marriage: Having reached your destination, you’ll settle into your married life and come to know each other more deeply as you build a shared life together.

Because your time on The CatholicCourtship platform (or any matchmaking app) focuses primarily on meeting and getting to know new people, this guide will focus most of its attention on the nuances of the Friendship stage.

Pre-Courtship

Before entering the journey of courtship, it is crucial to assess your current state to determine whether you’re ready to enter into a sacramental marriage. Before signing up, consider these questions:

For Women:

• Am I ready to make a lifelong commitment to someone, or does that feel like a faraway reality?
• Have I healed from any prior negative relationships or experiences? Can I consider potential partners as they are without superimposing other peoples’ behavior onto them?
• Do I have the proper motivation for courting? Am I looking for a God-centered relationship with a unique and unrepeatable individual, or do I want to be married for the sake of marriage?
• Am I ready to become a mother and embrace the children God may gift to me and my spouse? Would I be willing to stay home with my children if need be?
• Am I comfortable deferring to my future husband regarding faith and finance?
• Am I committed to Christ and His Church? Do I love God and desire to reflect His love through marriage?

For Men:

• Am I ready to commit my life to someone and devote my time and energy to her alone?
• Do I have realistic expectations about my partner? Can I approach a woman as she is without comparing her to friends, family, or others I have courted in the past?
• Do I have the proper motivation for courting? Am I looking for a God-centered relationship with a unique and unrepeatable individual, or do I want to be married for the sake of marriage?
• Am I financially secure and able to provide for my future wife and children? Am I willing to take on multiple jobs if necessary?
• Am I emotionally mature and able to understand my partner’s viewpoint without taking offense? Can I empathize? Am I willing to cooperate and consider my partner’s concerns when making decisions that affect our family?
• Am I strong and rooted in my faith, comfortable with being the spiritual head of my future family? Do I have faithful friends and mentors to guide me along the way?

You’re ready to begin your courtship journey if you’ve answered yes to most or all of these questions. If not, don’t be discouraged. Taking the time to address whatever might stand in the way of a successful courtship is as important as the courtship itself.

The following article in this series is on Joining A Virtual Platform and Making Connections during the first week.

The post Making Connections Online for Courtship: A Step-by-step Guide appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Now that you’re ready to embark on your path toward marriage, it’s important that you spend time in places that will facilitate interactions with potential partners. Courtship from an online perspective means joining a virtual platform or an app. Just as you would put time and effort into your appearance when attending a young adult event in person, you should spend this first week polishing your profile. It would help if you also aimed to interact with as many people as possible. Don’t worry; superficial connections will be pruned away as time passes. For right now, be open and start the conversation.

Goals for the first week

For Women:

• Unless you receive an offensive or single-word message, respond to every message you receive.
• Keep your responses brief. Don’t send a longer message than you receive.
• Remain polite and refrain from getting too attached to one person.
• Don’t feel obligated to answer personal questions this early in the conversation. If someone asks a question you’d instead not answer or that feels too deep for a casual discussion, state that you’re not comfortable discussing the matter at this time.
• Pray about your conversations and ask the Lord to direct them according to His will.

For Men:

• Message the women you’re interested in, but be sure to personalize your messages. Spending a little time reading her profile and asking meaningful questions will go a long way toward facilitating a fruitful conversation.
• Be open to everyone you meet, but refrain from sending messages to someone who doesn’t seem like a good fit for you. For example, don’t message a woman living two states away if you’re not interested in a long-distance relationship. Instead, focus on those living nearby.
• Keep your conversations light and friendly. Now is no time to discuss past relationships or how many children you want.
• Always reply to any responses you may receive. Ghosting is not only disrespectful, it’s also hurtful. You started the conversation; the least you can do is keep it going.
• Pray about your conversations and ask the Lord to direct them according to His will.

Tips for Creating a Successful Profile

If you want to stand out from the crowd, follow these simple tips:

1. Use Photos to Tell Your Story

Select photos that tell potential partners something about you. Do you love to hike? Take a photo outdoors on your favorite trail. Is cooking your thing? Get a shot of yourself plating your best dish. As far as your profile is concerned, you can never go wrong with a clear headshot and a sincere smile. No sunglasses allowed!

Do: Create a holistic image of who you are through your photos

Don’ts: Include pictures that are blurry, distant, or unclear in purpose, such as getting lost in group photos.

2. Be Specific

Including specific details about you can help others better understand who you are. Consider these examples. Which statement is more engaging and informative?

“I enjoy spending time with friends.”

“My family and I are very close.”

“I like to read.”

“My friends and I are on a mission to visit every museum in Washington.”

“My brothers and I have a standing tradition called Saints and Smokes. Last month, we discussed St. Junipero Serra while sampling Padron 1964.”

“I have a weakness for historical fiction, with a little bit of sci-fi thrown into the mix.”

3. Mention Your Ideal Partner

Remember, your profile isn’t just about you. Potential partners will use your profile to determine whether you two might be a good fit, so mentioning what you’re looking for in a partner is important. Whatever you’re looking for, be honest about it.

For example,

“I’m an easygoing person who enjoys trying new things and is looking for a like-minded individual to share fun experiences with.”

Or

“I dream of buying a farm and trying my hand at homesteading. I’d love to meet someone who loves nature and wants to get back to basics.”

4. Be Positive and People-Centered

You know what they say – you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. The same principle applies to your profile. If you want to attract a potential partner, focus on the positives and emphasize the things you’re passionate about or enjoy doing. Avoid mentioning prior relationships or negative experiences. Even if they’re a part of your story, you can always spin things positively. For example, instead of, “I’ve gone through some difficult relationships and need someone who won’t cheat,” try, “My past experiences have taught me to value honesty, intentionality, and communication.”

Ultimately, your profile should reflect who you are and what you seek. Just be yourself, and you’ll be well on your way to meeting your future spouse.

The following article in this series is on Make Your Choice and Schedule a Video Call during the second week.

The post Joining a Virtual Platform and Making Connections appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

You should be engaged in multiple conversations with potential partners by this time. Odds are good that some stand out to you more than others. Now is an excellent time to select 2 to 3 conversations to devote time to and schedule a video call with them. Be sure to excuse yourself politely from those conversations that are more surface-level. Remember, you’re not just interacting with a computer – you’re communicating with a person, and that person deserves your courtesy and respect.

Goals for the Second Week

For Women:

• Resolve to respond gracefully to messages indicating a desire for deeper interaction and those suggesting otherwise. Pray for help to do so.
• If you’ve been invited to a video call, approach the invitation as an opportunity to get to know someone, not a definitive ruling on whether or not you two will marry. This should be an enjoyable experience, so just be yourself and enjoy the moment.
• Don’t feel obligated to pursue a deeper connection with someone if you’re not as interested in him as he is you. You can politely refuse such an invitation if you feel the person is not a good fit. But try not to be overly selective, either – after all, you haven’t gotten to know these potential partners yet!

For Men:

• Select 2-3 potential partners and indicate that you’d like to spend more time getting to know them by inviting them to a video call.
• Message those women with whom you did not feel as strongly connected to let them know you are pursuing other conversations. Always be polite and thankful for their time.
• While on your calls, keep the conversation light and avoid damaging or controversial topics. The aim is to see whether you two are compatible and might want to progress to an in-person date, not to vent past grievances or hash out your future life prematurely.
• Regardless of how things go, always send a message after your calls thanking your potential partners for their time.

Tips for a Successful Video Call

Video calls are a great way to gauge compatibility, but after communicating exclusively through messages, they can also be a little intimidating. Try these tips to ensure your calls are as successful as possible.

Setting:

• Choose a well-lit area, ideally facing a window or lamp, so your face is visible. If needed, a ring light can also provide the necessary illumination.
• Consider curating the items behind you to say something about your personality. For example, if your call will take place before a bookshelf, which titles could you face toward the camera, or what items might you intersperse between the books to exemplify your style and preferences?
• Avoid hosting your calls in your bedroom or bathroom. Keep it classy!

Personal Preparation:

• Treat your video calls as you would in-person dates. That means wearing clean, flattering clothes that make you feel your best.
• Set your expectations beforehand. This video call is NOT the moment to know whether you’ve met your future spouse – it’s only a means to determine whether you are compatible with this person and would like to progress to in-person dates.
• There may be lulls in the conversation, and that’s okay! Think ahead to some stories you might share in such instances, or consider playing an icebreaker game. Example: Would you rather?

Conversation:

• Keep the conversation optimistic throughout your video call. Now is not the time to discuss exes, expectations, or timelines. Your views on politics should also be shelved for a later date.
• Talk about things you’re passionate about or that make you happy. Topics like hobbies, travel stories, or humorous situations will go a long way toward breaking the ice.
• Never ask your partner intrusive questions about their views or past experiences.
• Remember to smile!

After Your Call:

• Men, always thank your partner for her time. If you’d like to see her again, ask her for an in-person date. If not, graciously indicate that you don’t feel like you two are a great fit but that you appreciate getting to know her and wish her well.
• Ladies, respond similarly if you aren’t interested in seeing your partner again.

The following article in this series is on Taking the Plunge and Planning your First Date during the third week.

The post Make Your Choice and Schedule A Video Call appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

After spending time talking with your preferred partners online and through video chat, now is the time to progress to an in-person meeting and plan your first date. Always remember to be courteous to the people you are not pursuing further connections with and to exit those conversations tactfully and gracefully.

For Women:

• Please only accept in-person dates or follow-up calls with men you feel connected with and genuinely want to see again. Kindly excuse yourself from other invitations.
• Always be safe when meeting someone for the first time – let friends or family know where you’ll be when, and ask someone to check in on you by calling at a particular time during your date.

For Men:

• If you want to see someone again after a video call, invite her to an in-person date. If you two are separated by distance, ask her to do another video call.
• When planning your in-person date, choose a public location and opt for a daytime date, if possible. It’s important that your date feel comfortable when meeting you for the first time.

The Anatomy of a Great First Date

Are you not sure where to start when it comes to planning that first in-person meeting? Include these elements, and you’ll be well on your way to a great first date.

Your Attitude: A positive, optimistic mindset makes a difference when preparing for a date. Regardless of your past dating experiences, this should feel like a fresh start, so resolve to see it that way. Be hopeful! Instead of living in the past or projecting an apprehensive or guarded demeanor, stay in the present and focus on being receptive to the possibility of a meaningful connection.

Think Levity: Choose a low-pressure location or activity for your first date, and opt for a public area so that your date feels safe. Consider meeting at a coffee shop, strolling through a market together, or having a picnic. If your date seems more adventurous, trying a new activity together can be a fun way to get acquainted.

Making your date feel heard and respected is much more important than being eloquent.

Be Flexible: While thinking ahead is a good idea, avoiding rigidity when planning a date is also wise. Have some Plan B options in mind in case your date isn’t keen on the activities you’ve planned, or – better yet – if the date goes well and runs longer than anticipated.

Consider Reciprocity: Conversation is a two-way street, so stay attentive to your date and ask meaningful questions. When asked a question, respond with a similar one to keep the conversation going. Remember to listen attentively to what your date is saying instead of planning for your next question. Making your date feel heard and respected is much more important than being eloquent.

Low Expectations: It may sound counterintuitive, but the less you expect from a first date, the more likely you will be pleasantly surprised – not to mention relaxed! Don’t expect certainty about whether this person will be your spouse, and don’t try to figure it out all at once. Courtship is a marathon, not a sprint, so stay in the moment and leave the wedding planning for another day.

Cherish Honesty: Remember, the point of a date is not to impress the other person or convince them to like you – it’s to discern whether you get along well and want to see each other again. After the date, be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling and how you and your date interacted. If the connection wasn’t as strong as you’d hoped, that’s okay; don’t try to force it. If you had a good time and got along well, don’t let fear or insecurity keep you from moving forward.

The following article in this series is on Getting Offline during the fourth week.

The post Take the Plunge and Plan Your First Date appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.