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Are you one of those ladies who is confident in her femininity without needing to say anything, yet have you felt alone among the company because you are not one of the more outspoken women in the group? While other ladies seem to ‘get on’ with the other people, you sit there like a photograph of Audrey Hepburn, smiling at jokes you don’t understand while crafting sentences in your head that never get spoken.

If this sounds familiar, you may be a sensitive introvert, and you’re in good company. Read on to discover how to deal with this dilemma, accept yourself for who you are, and be as confident on the inside as you seem on the outside.

You Are Not Alone

Everyone is born with a dose of timidness. Some are born with doses as huge as a pint or two; others are born with a dose as small as a vial. Either way, everyone has a sense of self-awareness that sometimes (or more often, likely) makes them feel ‘like they don’t belong’.

The ladies who may appear to be more in sync with conversations (especially with the opposite sex), who are always in just the right mood, are never shy, or who often tell the right jokes, would attest to the same difficulty of timidness. It’s just that they handle it differently.

Of course, as an acclaimed introvert, you may feel it more than the average lady in the room, but the important thing to learn is this: You are not alone.

But, if so, how come you’re the only one seeming to care about it? How do those extroverted ladies overcome their timidness and show more confidence? And how might you imitate them in that regard?

I. Be Yourself

Everyone is born differently. Some are extroverted and find relaxation in standing out. Others find solace in quietly recharging themselves with a cup of tea. Some are just in the middle.

Understand that most ladies with a more outreaching personality are just being themselves. The way they step out of their shyness and relax is by being more extroverted.

If you, as a sensitive woman, feel foolish or awkward because you are not contributing as much to the conversation or are not talking enough to the man in the corner that you really like, I suggest you close your eyes, shut out all the noise, and just… be yourself. You are a lady, already confident in your femininity, and if the way you express it is different from your fellow Godly women, it’s okay. There is no need to try to be something that you’re not – trust me.

Now, you may be thinking: “Yes, I know all of this. I know that I should be myself, and I know that I am confident in myself as a Godly woman. But why do I still find myself comparing my looks or personality to that of other women? And how do I stop that?”

II. Improve Your Self-Perception

Consider this: the things you find admirable in other women may be a source of low self-esteem for them. Likewise, the same negative thoughts going through your mind when you’re internalizing your worth may be about the very things that other people find attractive!

Often, these things are things you cannot necessarily change; physical traits like looks, smiles, the way your voice or laugh sounds, etc. However, perceptions of behavior (a changeable quality) might also come into play.

Notice how people respond when you interact with them. By all means, if you sense that you come off as snobbish or aloof when speaking to people, pay attention to the instinct. Better yet, ask a friend and listen to their verdict on the matter, because sometimes, people’s reaction to your behavior may have nothing to do with you. But if not, be less severe with yourself. When people look at you (especially men), they do not necessarily see you; they see an ideal of you – that is, the aura you carry.

This is especially true for somebody who may not know you very well. If you are an intensely feminine woman (whether sensitive or not), people will perceive you as the type of charisma you carry around. Looks do not matter. It’s what’s inside.

So, if you are worried that the other women are prettier, more extroverted, or better at ‘fitting in’, you are mistaken. Their prettiness or funniness has little or nothing to do with it. It’s their charisma. And you should consider bringing your unique and attractive charisma to the table, even if it’s silence most of the way.

III. Know Your Worth

Remember that you are valuable. Silence and organized sound are what make a symphony. Your sensitivity or inwardness is also of great use in this world, giving you the incredible capability to see and even feel the joys and sufferings of your neighbor more acutely. So, the next time you are in a room full of people or a group conversation and genuinely have nothing to say or do but watch other people express themselves, rest in the fact that you are partaking in all their experiences in a deeper way. What better way to express your femininity – and indeed, imitate Our Lord – who is always leaning a listening ear to our broken hearts?

Lastly, remember that it’s alright to be sensitive. It’s who you are and honestly, is the essence of healthy femininity. Just look at Our Lady, who frequently chose to ponder contemplatively before speaking. Embrace introversion, but don’t let it devour you. Find an outlet (i.e. a hobby) that you love; help your community the best way you fancy; and give the unquenchable ache to the Sacred Heart in prayer. Because in the end, God understands best what’s in your heart, and He will lead you securely along your path to love.

The post Quiet Ladies: Don’t be Ashamed of Being Quiet! appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Have you ever thought of someone, ‘There’s something about him (or her) that makes me feel so good.’ More common with men is, ‘Wow, she’s… something.’

That something is called charisma.

Charisma isn’t a thing you think about. It’s a conscious thought about someone that suddenly swings to your subconscious mind, and stays there. However, it is incredibly significant in molding the way you see your neighbor and vice versa.

Why do you think the saying ‘first impression lasts’ is so popular? Because what makes the first impression is charisma, and if your charisma rubs off wrongly on people… it will remain like that unless there is some serious change.

The good news is, that positive charisma can be built easily if it is not already there.

What is Charisma?

In a deeper meaning, charisma stems from the Greek language, and means ‘favor’ or ‘gift.’ Originally, it was considered a religious term, referring to the extraordinary gifts of the Holy Spirit, more prominent in the early church (healing, speaking in tongues, etc).

However, modern language has extended the meaning to be synonymous with words like personality, aura, charm, etc., and while this meaning is more relevant to this discussion, it does not take anything away from the original definition.

Your unique personality is a gift to you from God, and like the talents in Our Lord’s parable, you don’t want to bury it and waste the fortunes you could make by harnessing it.

The question now becomes: ‘How do I harness it?’ In fact, ‘How am I sure of which personality I possess before thinking of building it?’

The answer is simple: Know who you are and live accordingly.

You are a human being – Recognize your purpose

You are a creature, comprised of both body and soul. You are made in the image and likeness of God, meaning you have memory, understanding (rational intellect), and a will (to do good and avoid evil). You are an emotional, social, and cultural being, made to interact with the whole of creation, and especially with God himself.

As a human, the first thing you should do to understand your personality is to live as such. Use your body and soul to know, love, and serve the One that created you. He knows you more than you know yourself.

Consider how much better the world would be right now if the majority of the populace knew and lived this truth: firstly, love God. Then, love your neighbor, and all other things – especially yourself – for the sake of God. Enjoy the things that God has made for you (people, nature, food, drink, etc.), in the right seasons, and with all decency.

You are a woman – Exude femininity with confidence

Demolish that infamous saying that men and women are the same – this is definitely not the case!

You are a woman, literally meaning ‘out of the womb of man’. You were made to give life and to nurture. There is no greater task other than that of the Creator himself. God’s masterpiece, the Virgin Mary, is a woman, whom all women should take as our model.

Having this essential attribute of procreation, it is only natural that women are softer, more intuitive, empathic, compassionate, sensitive, and more acutely aware of themselves and their surroundings. Women are houses made of glass, made to protect precious stones: the presence of God, souls of tiny human beings destined to be saints, and feelings and experiences of our fellow human beings that deserve as much consideration. Women are the heart of the world.

The more you get in touch with this notion of womanhood (called femininity), the more you will tune into your unique personality.

Not all women are the same, but all women should possess these traits because they are the essence of a woman’s nature. And just as the same perfume smells slightly differently on everyone, these qualities of femininity look different across various feminine archetypes or personalities, largely informed and expressed by one’s hobbies, talents, likes/dislikes, etc.

But the bottom line is this: A woman’s charm comes from the essence of her femininity. Develop those and your personality will pop, as they say.

Fortunately, many modern women are waking up to this fact and starting to obey their impulses to be feminine. But one thing they lack is a great (not just good) role model. As Catholics, we know who that is…

You are Catholic – Stand by your morals

The heading says it all.

The fact that you are Catholic means that you can recognize true models of femininity in the Holy Mother Church (who only receives from the Head, Christ), and in Mary, the Mother of God. Taking guidance from the ultimate woman, Our Lady, you will never get lost. Ask her intercession always and she will help you develop femininity – or better yet, virtue – in all areas of your life (work, family, friends, etc.).

As a Catholic lady, your conduct should be informed by the precepts of the Church, recognizing its teaching authority in profound humility and spirit of obedience. Your conduct should also be as one living in imitation of Our Lord and the Saints. In all things, be mild, charitable, patient, obedient, chaste, modest, merciful to others and yourself, etc.

Not only will you be a woman, but you will also be a God-fearing lady; a very picture of Our Lady herself. Anyone you come across will sense this, and men and women alike will respect you.

The post Charisma: What it is and How to Harness It. appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.