Are you one of those ladies who is confident in her femininity without needing to say anything, yet have you felt alone among the company because you are not one of the more outspoken women in the group? While other ladies seem to ‘get on’ with the other people, you sit there like a photograph of Audrey Hepburn, smiling at jokes you don’t understand while crafting sentences in your head that never get spoken.

If this sounds familiar, you may be a sensitive introvert, and you’re in good company. Read on to discover how to deal with this dilemma, accept yourself for who you are, and be as confident on the inside as you seem on the outside.

You Are Not Alone

Everyone is born with a dose of timidness. Some are born with doses as huge as a pint or two; others are born with a dose as small as a vial. Either way, everyone has a sense of self-awareness that sometimes (or more often, likely) makes them feel ‘like they don’t belong’.

The ladies who may appear to be more in sync with conversations (especially with the opposite sex), who are always in just the right mood, are never shy, or who often tell the right jokes, would attest to the same difficulty of timidness. It’s just that they handle it differently.

Of course, as an acclaimed introvert, you may feel it more than the average lady in the room, but the important thing to learn is this: You are not alone.

But, if so, how come you’re the only one seeming to care about it? How do those extroverted ladies overcome their timidness and show more confidence? And how might you imitate them in that regard?

I. Be Yourself

Everyone is born differently. Some are extroverted and find relaxation in standing out. Others find solace in quietly recharging themselves with a cup of tea. Some are just in the middle.

Understand that most ladies with a more outreaching personality are just being themselves. The way they step out of their shyness and relax is by being more extroverted.

If you, as a sensitive woman, feel foolish or awkward because you are not contributing as much to the conversation or are not talking enough to the man in the corner that you really like, I suggest you close your eyes, shut out all the noise, and just… be yourself. You are a lady, already confident in your femininity, and if the way you express it is different from your fellow Godly women, it’s okay. There is no need to try to be something that you’re not – trust me.

Now, you may be thinking: “Yes, I know all of this. I know that I should be myself, and I know that I am confident in myself as a Godly woman. But why do I still find myself comparing my looks or personality to that of other women? And how do I stop that?”

II. Improve Your Self-Perception

Consider this: the things you find admirable in other women may be a source of low self-esteem for them. Likewise, the same negative thoughts going through your mind when you’re internalizing your worth may be about the very things that other people find attractive!

Often, these things are things you cannot necessarily change; physical traits like looks, smiles, the way your voice or laugh sounds, etc. However, perceptions of behavior (a changeable quality) might also come into play.

Notice how people respond when you interact with them. By all means, if you sense that you come off as snobbish or aloof when speaking to people, pay attention to the instinct. Better yet, ask a friend and listen to their verdict on the matter, because sometimes, people’s reaction to your behavior may have nothing to do with you. But if not, be less severe with yourself. When people look at you (especially men), they do not necessarily see you; they see an ideal of you – that is, the aura you carry.

This is especially true for somebody who may not know you very well. If you are an intensely feminine woman (whether sensitive or not), people will perceive you as the type of charisma you carry around. Looks do not matter. It’s what’s inside.

So, if you are worried that the other women are prettier, more extroverted, or better at ‘fitting in’, you are mistaken. Their prettiness or funniness has little or nothing to do with it. It’s their charisma. And you should consider bringing your unique and attractive charisma to the table, even if it’s silence most of the way.

III. Know Your Worth

Remember that you are valuable. Silence and organized sound are what make a symphony. Your sensitivity or inwardness is also of great use in this world, giving you the incredible capability to see and even feel the joys and sufferings of your neighbor more acutely. So, the next time you are in a room full of people or a group conversation and genuinely have nothing to say or do but watch other people express themselves, rest in the fact that you are partaking in all their experiences in a deeper way. What better way to express your femininity – and indeed, imitate Our Lord – who is always leaning a listening ear to our broken hearts?

Lastly, remember that it’s alright to be sensitive. It’s who you are and honestly, is the essence of healthy femininity. Just look at Our Lady, who frequently chose to ponder contemplatively before speaking. Embrace introversion, but don’t let it devour you. Find an outlet (i.e. a hobby) that you love; help your community the best way you fancy; and give the unquenchable ache to the Sacred Heart in prayer. Because in the end, God understands best what’s in your heart, and He will lead you securely along your path to love.

Christine Mako

Christine Mako is an avid reader and a zealous writer currently majoring in physiology at University College Dublin, Ireland. You can find her online at dreamsoftomorrow.comwhere she shares her experiences and insights with young Catholic women to help them develop their femininity and live a fulfilled faithful life in preparation for their married vocation.

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