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It’s a common scenario: Traditional-minded women want a man to make the first move and take the lead in courtship, so they choose to wait for masculine initiation. But when courtship moves to the online sphere, these same women often find themselves fruitlessly waiting for a man to find them. How to get around this frustrating quandary? The answer is simple, if not a bit controversial – initiate a conversation!

Marie was concerned with this very problem when she first joined The CatholicCourtship in 2023. But when she saw Jack’s profile, something changed.

“I think it was an inspiration,” she reflects. “It can be a risk because you want a man to lead, but online, it’s a different story.”

In a public setting, after all, a woman could be noticed by a man without her needing to say a word. But on an online platform, profiles can get lost in the crowd, especially if the person you’re hoping to speak with is living a fair distance away.

Marie also thought about her sisters, who, though courting in person, had to strategically place themselves in the paths of their romantic interests before those men began to notice the girls’ attention. Liking a profile or sending a message seemed to be the online equivalent.

“A woman has to make herself known, especially with distance,” Marie attests. “It’s not a bad thing for a woman to say hi. If a man sees that interest, it might pique his own.”

But that brings us back to our first conundrum: Will a couple maintain traditional gender roles in a relationship where the woman initiates?

“I wasn’t the type to make the first move because I thought, ‘How can I turn the roles around afterward so that the man pursues?’” Marie shares. “But Jack took the lead in the relationship by addressing more serious topics and driving the conversation. At that point, things changed.”

After that exchange, their relationship proceeded along the anticipated traditional trajectory all the way to marriage, celebrated exactly one year after Marie had sent her first message.

Of course, while she encourages traditional women to be more open to making themselves known, Marie also cautions them to discern whether the men they’re conversing with are ready or willing to claim that leadership role like Jack did.

“You have to talk to determine where the other is in virtue and see whether they’re willing to embrace that traditionally masculine role.”

Regardless of who makes the first move, ultimately, it will be the man’s responsibility to adopt a position of leadership if he wants to progress along the path of traditional courtship.

But before that can take place, profiles need to be liked, and messages sent. Marie’s advice in this regard applies to both men and women.

“Say something the guy can identify with,” Marie suggests. “Mention something that interested you in his profile, or ask a thoughtful question.”

And then leave the rest in God’s hands, knowing that you’ve done your part and that the right man will respond in kind.

The post Should a Traditional-minded Woman Make the First Move Online? appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Often, meeting people in person can be a daunting task. From living in a small town with little or no eligible singles to being engulfed in a parish community saturated with married couples to not having enough sample of singles who share their values and goals, young single Catholics continue to face myriads of courtship challenges. The social fabric of our lives is increasingly becoming less communal and more individualistic owing to the rise in the use of technology for human connections.

For Catholics, living in the modern world means learning to adapt to it without losing the chief values that define us. It’s about prioritizing our faith and the Church’s teachings in our daily life undertakings, and we can do this even in the digital age. We’re not entirely immune to the influences of technology, especially as a tool for facilitating human connections. Still, we can choose how we respond to them, always keeping our faith and values at the forefront. 

As single Catholics, we must understand that while meeting potential spouses in person seems ideal and desirable, many successful Catholic families began their initial acquaintance-making journey from online platforms. This couple, who met on our matchmaking platform, is a few weeks away from being joined together in Holy Matrimony. 

In this short series of guides, we’ll offer concise insights into how you can make connections online for the purposes of courtship without incurring the headache of “online dating fatigue.”

What exactly is courtship, and how does it differ from dating? In one of our previous articles, we explored the topic of courtship and the different stages. Before we begin, we must refresh our minds on how courtship differs from modern dating. Firstly, courtship has a specific destination in mind: a sacramental marriage. Whereas dating can lead to undefined, ongoing relationships, courtship is an intentional process by which two people who both know their destination discover whether they will become partners in the journey.

Courtship moves through 4 distinct stages:

Friendship: At this stage, you’ll get to know multiple potential partners and interact with them in a friendly, casual manner. This stage aims to build a foundation upon which to grow if you should enter into an exclusive relationship. Significant questions to consider here include:

• Is this person committed to the Catholic faith?
• Do we have things in common besides our faith?
• Am I physically attracted to this person?
• Does this person have the zeal for a virtuous life?
• Do I enjoy spending time with this person?
• Do I want to spend more time together?

Courtship/Exclusive Relationship: Once you’ve identified the person you’re most interested in and most compatible with, you will enter into an exclusive relationship in which you both suspend your online accounts and spend time together in person, meeting both families and discussing a possible future.

Betrothal/Engagement: If you discern and decide to commit your lives to each other, you’ll enter into the engagement phase, in which you’ll spend more time preparing for marriage through a preparatory course and discussing the practical details of your upcoming marriage.

Marriage: Having reached your destination, you’ll settle into your married life and come to know each other more deeply as you build a shared life together.

Because your time on The CatholicCourtship platform (or any matchmaking app) focuses primarily on meeting and getting to know new people, this guide will focus most of its attention on the nuances of the Friendship stage.

Pre-Courtship

Before entering the journey of courtship, it is crucial to assess your current state to determine whether you’re ready to enter into a sacramental marriage. Before signing up, consider these questions:

For Women:

• Am I ready to make a lifelong commitment to someone, or does that feel like a faraway reality?
• Have I healed from any prior negative relationships or experiences? Can I consider potential partners as they are without superimposing other peoples’ behavior onto them?
• Do I have the proper motivation for courting? Am I looking for a God-centered relationship with a unique and unrepeatable individual, or do I want to be married for the sake of marriage?
• Am I ready to become a mother and embrace the children God may gift to me and my spouse? Would I be willing to stay home with my children if need be?
• Am I comfortable deferring to my future husband regarding faith and finance?
• Am I committed to Christ and His Church? Do I love God and desire to reflect His love through marriage?

For Men:

• Am I ready to commit my life to someone and devote my time and energy to her alone?
• Do I have realistic expectations about my partner? Can I approach a woman as she is without comparing her to friends, family, or others I have courted in the past?
• Do I have the proper motivation for courting? Am I looking for a God-centered relationship with a unique and unrepeatable individual, or do I want to be married for the sake of marriage?
• Am I financially secure and able to provide for my future wife and children? Am I willing to take on multiple jobs if necessary?
• Am I emotionally mature and able to understand my partner’s viewpoint without taking offense? Can I empathize? Am I willing to cooperate and consider my partner’s concerns when making decisions that affect our family?
• Am I strong and rooted in my faith, comfortable with being the spiritual head of my future family? Do I have faithful friends and mentors to guide me along the way?

You’re ready to begin your courtship journey if you’ve answered yes to most or all of these questions. If not, don’t be discouraged. Taking the time to address whatever might stand in the way of a successful courtship is as important as the courtship itself.

The following article in this series is on Joining A Virtual Platform and Making Connections during the first week.

The post Making Connections Online for Courtship: A Step-by-step Guide appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

Now that you’re ready to embark on your path toward marriage, it’s important that you spend time in places that will facilitate interactions with potential partners. Courtship from an online perspective means joining a virtual platform or an app. Just as you would put time and effort into your appearance when attending a young adult event in person, you should spend this first week polishing your profile. It would help if you also aimed to interact with as many people as possible. Don’t worry; superficial connections will be pruned away as time passes. For right now, be open and start the conversation.

Goals for the first week

For Women:

• Unless you receive an offensive or single-word message, respond to every message you receive.
• Keep your responses brief. Don’t send a longer message than you receive.
• Remain polite and refrain from getting too attached to one person.
• Don’t feel obligated to answer personal questions this early in the conversation. If someone asks a question you’d instead not answer or that feels too deep for a casual discussion, state that you’re not comfortable discussing the matter at this time.
• Pray about your conversations and ask the Lord to direct them according to His will.

For Men:

• Message the women you’re interested in, but be sure to personalize your messages. Spending a little time reading her profile and asking meaningful questions will go a long way toward facilitating a fruitful conversation.
• Be open to everyone you meet, but refrain from sending messages to someone who doesn’t seem like a good fit for you. For example, don’t message a woman living two states away if you’re not interested in a long-distance relationship. Instead, focus on those living nearby.
• Keep your conversations light and friendly. Now is no time to discuss past relationships or how many children you want.
• Always reply to any responses you may receive. Ghosting is not only disrespectful, it’s also hurtful. You started the conversation; the least you can do is keep it going.
• Pray about your conversations and ask the Lord to direct them according to His will.

Tips for Creating a Successful Profile

If you want to stand out from the crowd, follow these simple tips:

1. Use Photos to Tell Your Story

Select photos that tell potential partners something about you. Do you love to hike? Take a photo outdoors on your favorite trail. Is cooking your thing? Get a shot of yourself plating your best dish. As far as your profile is concerned, you can never go wrong with a clear headshot and a sincere smile. No sunglasses allowed!

Do: Create a holistic image of who you are through your photos

Don’ts: Include pictures that are blurry, distant, or unclear in purpose, such as getting lost in group photos.

2. Be Specific

Including specific details about you can help others better understand who you are. Consider these examples. Which statement is more engaging and informative?

“I enjoy spending time with friends.”

“My family and I are very close.”

“I like to read.”

“My friends and I are on a mission to visit every museum in Washington.”

“My brothers and I have a standing tradition called Saints and Smokes. Last month, we discussed St. Junipero Serra while sampling Padron 1964.”

“I have a weakness for historical fiction, with a little bit of sci-fi thrown into the mix.”

3. Mention Your Ideal Partner

Remember, your profile isn’t just about you. Potential partners will use your profile to determine whether you two might be a good fit, so mentioning what you’re looking for in a partner is important. Whatever you’re looking for, be honest about it.

For example,

“I’m an easygoing person who enjoys trying new things and is looking for a like-minded individual to share fun experiences with.”

Or

“I dream of buying a farm and trying my hand at homesteading. I’d love to meet someone who loves nature and wants to get back to basics.”

4. Be Positive and People-Centered

You know what they say – you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. The same principle applies to your profile. If you want to attract a potential partner, focus on the positives and emphasize the things you’re passionate about or enjoy doing. Avoid mentioning prior relationships or negative experiences. Even if they’re a part of your story, you can always spin things positively. For example, instead of, “I’ve gone through some difficult relationships and need someone who won’t cheat,” try, “My past experiences have taught me to value honesty, intentionality, and communication.”

Ultimately, your profile should reflect who you are and what you seek. Just be yourself, and you’ll be well on your way to meeting your future spouse.

The following article in this series is on Make Your Choice and Schedule a Video Call during the second week.

The post Joining a Virtual Platform and Making Connections appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.

You should be engaged in multiple conversations with potential partners by this time. Odds are good that some stand out to you more than others. Now is an excellent time to select 2 to 3 conversations to devote time to and schedule a video call with them. Be sure to excuse yourself politely from those conversations that are more surface-level. Remember, you’re not just interacting with a computer – you’re communicating with a person, and that person deserves your courtesy and respect.

Goals for the Second Week

For Women:

• Resolve to respond gracefully to messages indicating a desire for deeper interaction and those suggesting otherwise. Pray for help to do so.
• If you’ve been invited to a video call, approach the invitation as an opportunity to get to know someone, not a definitive ruling on whether or not you two will marry. This should be an enjoyable experience, so just be yourself and enjoy the moment.
• Don’t feel obligated to pursue a deeper connection with someone if you’re not as interested in him as he is you. You can politely refuse such an invitation if you feel the person is not a good fit. But try not to be overly selective, either – after all, you haven’t gotten to know these potential partners yet!

For Men:

• Select 2-3 potential partners and indicate that you’d like to spend more time getting to know them by inviting them to a video call.
• Message those women with whom you did not feel as strongly connected to let them know you are pursuing other conversations. Always be polite and thankful for their time.
• While on your calls, keep the conversation light and avoid damaging or controversial topics. The aim is to see whether you two are compatible and might want to progress to an in-person date, not to vent past grievances or hash out your future life prematurely.
• Regardless of how things go, always send a message after your calls thanking your potential partners for their time.

Tips for a Successful Video Call

Video calls are a great way to gauge compatibility, but after communicating exclusively through messages, they can also be a little intimidating. Try these tips to ensure your calls are as successful as possible.

Setting:

• Choose a well-lit area, ideally facing a window or lamp, so your face is visible. If needed, a ring light can also provide the necessary illumination.
• Consider curating the items behind you to say something about your personality. For example, if your call will take place before a bookshelf, which titles could you face toward the camera, or what items might you intersperse between the books to exemplify your style and preferences?
• Avoid hosting your calls in your bedroom or bathroom. Keep it classy!

Personal Preparation:

• Treat your video calls as you would in-person dates. That means wearing clean, flattering clothes that make you feel your best.
• Set your expectations beforehand. This video call is NOT the moment to know whether you’ve met your future spouse – it’s only a means to determine whether you are compatible with this person and would like to progress to in-person dates.
• There may be lulls in the conversation, and that’s okay! Think ahead to some stories you might share in such instances, or consider playing an icebreaker game. Example: Would you rather?

Conversation:

• Keep the conversation optimistic throughout your video call. Now is not the time to discuss exes, expectations, or timelines. Your views on politics should also be shelved for a later date.
• Talk about things you’re passionate about or that make you happy. Topics like hobbies, travel stories, or humorous situations will go a long way toward breaking the ice.
• Never ask your partner intrusive questions about their views or past experiences.
• Remember to smile!

After Your Call:

• Men, always thank your partner for her time. If you’d like to see her again, ask her for an in-person date. If not, graciously indicate that you don’t feel like you two are a great fit but that you appreciate getting to know her and wish her well.
• Ladies, respond similarly if you aren’t interested in seeing your partner again.

The following article in this series is on Taking the Plunge and Planning your First Date during the third week.

The post Make Your Choice and Schedule A Video Call appeared first on CatholicCourtship Blog.