It’s a common scenario: Traditional-minded women want a man to make the first move and take the lead in courtship, so they choose to wait for masculine initiation. But when courtship moves to the online sphere, these same women often find themselves fruitlessly waiting for a man to find them. How to get around this frustrating quandary? The answer is simple, if not a bit controversial – initiate a conversation!
Marie was concerned with this very problem when she first joined The CatholicCourtship in 2023. But when she saw Jack’s profile, something changed.
“I think it was an inspiration,” she reflects. “It can be a risk because you want a man to lead, but online, it’s a different story.”
In a public setting, after all, a woman could be noticed by a man without her needing to say a word. But on an online platform, profiles can get lost in the crowd, especially if the person you’re hoping to speak with is living a fair distance away.
Marie also thought about her sisters, who, though courting in person, had to strategically place themselves in the paths of their romantic interests before those men began to notice the girls’ attention. Liking a profile or sending a message seemed to be the online equivalent.
“A woman has to make herself known, especially with distance,” Marie attests. “It’s not a bad thing for a woman to say hi. If a man sees that interest, it might pique his own.”
But that brings us back to our first conundrum: Will a couple maintain traditional gender roles in a relationship where the woman initiates?
“I wasn’t the type to make the first move because I thought, ‘How can I turn the roles around afterward so that the man pursues?’” Marie shares. “But Jack took the lead in the relationship by addressing more serious topics and driving the conversation. At that point, things changed.”
After that exchange, their relationship proceeded along the anticipated traditional trajectory all the way to marriage, celebrated exactly one year after Marie had sent her first message.
Of course, while she encourages traditional women to be more open to making themselves known, Marie also cautions them to discern whether the men they’re conversing with are ready or willing to claim that leadership role like Jack did.
“You have to talk to determine where the other is in virtue and see whether they’re willing to embrace that traditionally masculine role.”
Regardless of who makes the first move, ultimately, it will be the man’s responsibility to adopt a position of leadership if he wants to progress along the path of traditional courtship.
But before that can take place, profiles need to be liked, and messages sent. Marie’s advice in this regard applies to both men and women.
“Say something the guy can identify with,” Marie suggests. “Mention something that interested you in his profile, or ask a thoughtful question.”
And then leave the rest in God’s hands, knowing that you’ve done your part and that the right man will respond in kind.
Isabella Bruno
Isabella Bruno is the content editor at The CatholicCourtship. She is an author, speaker, and writer.