If you’ve ever tried your hand at long-distance courtship, you’re likely very familiar with how challenging it can be to get to know someone without the luxury of spending time in each other’s company. But with authentically faithful Catholics becoming harder to find, limiting yourself to courting locally might be hindering your chances of finding a spouse.
What’s a single and seeking Catholic to do? Learn from the experts, of course!
Jack and Marie, The CatholicCourtship’s first official couple, spent their entire courtship separated by a daunting thousand miles. But by approaching their courtship with intention, they were able to connect, grow in mutual understanding and affection, and ultimately, discern marriage.
Why Consider Long-Distance Courtship?
“The pool is so small, you definitely have to be open,” Jack claims. “You have to be willing to accept God’s invitation and literally go the distance.”
Coming from a previous relationship with someone who was Catholic, but not necessarily on the same page as himself, Jack speaks from personal experience. Knowing that he needed to make a decision that would be best for his future family, Jack chose to end the relationship in order to search for a woman with whom he could build a life together. As it turns out, that woman was living several states away.
Marie had also experienced her share of disappointments in dating before meeting Jack. Having already been in a long-distance relationship before, she knew exactly what would be required of her and Jack should they choose to begin the process of courtship. But she encourages single Catholics to be willing to embrace uncertainty, especially if it seems like the person they’re considering long-distance dating shares their beliefs and values.
Tips for Navigating a Long-Distance Relationship
Could you successfully navigate a long-distance relationship? You’ll be well on your way by following Jack and Marie’s advice:
- Know yourself and know your faith
If you aren’t yet sure of who you are, what you believe, and what you need in a spouse, no relationship – long-distance or otherwise – is going to work. But this self-knowledge is particularly important when it comes to long-distance relationships because, without the ability to observe a person’s behavior or habits outside of the home, you and your partner will have to rely solely on verbal communication to express the unique facets of who you are and how you live.
If you haven’t already taken the time to do so, consider honestly reflecting on these questions so that, when the time comes, you will be able to share openly and confidently about what matters most to you.
- Be willing to go the distance
Obviously, there are going to be additional costs associated with a long-distance relationship, primarily the cost of travel, lodging, and taking time off work. If you’re unable to travel for whatever reason, be wary of entering into a long-distance relationship, or of giving someone the impression that a long-distance relationship is a possibility.
But going the distance doesn’t just refer to physical distance. It also requires a willingness to be vulnerable and to make sacrifices for the good of the relationship.
“How much does a relationship mean to you?” Jack asks. “You’re going to have to work with each other, squash your pride, and find a balance between partners. Be willing to go the extra mile.”
- Be intentional about sharing
Jack and Marie both acknowledge that the reason their relationship was able to progress to marriage is because of how much effort and care they put into their daily communication.
“We both put each other first,” Marie shares. “I could tell that Jack was putting time into the relationship. We talked every day and shared our lives. We were inseparable even before we met.”
Honesty and openness will go a long way (pun intended!) toward establishing a solid foundation of trust between partners.
The Day-to-Day of Long-Distance Relationships
What will your daily routine with a long-distance partner look like, practically speaking? If you and your partner are separated by distance, consider implementing these tips:
- Schedule regular phone or video calls instead of relying on text messages
- Express your expectations and hopes for the relationship early, to establish a routine that works best for your particular situation
- Take photos or videos documenting what you’re doing throughout the day to share with your partner
- Coordinate prayer times so that both partners attend Mass or make a Holy Hour at the same time, whatever your time zones
- If possible, plan to meet within the first month or two of communicating
- Make thoughtful gestures, such as mailing a hand-written letter, arranging for a delivery of flowers on a special date, or creating a playlist to share
- Try new things “together” by taking up a new hobby at the same time
- Keep an element of fun in the mix by playing games, such as Would You Rather, 20 Questions, or charades
The Bottom Line
Long-distance relationships are difficult, to be sure, but with proper care and attention, they can also grow to become loving, committed partnerships, made stronger by their shared trial.
“We don’t take our relationship for granted because of the effort required,” Marie attests. “We value it so much more.”
Perhaps the saying is sound – absence really does make the heart grow fonder!
Isabella Bruno
Isabella Bruno is the content editor at The CatholicCourtship. She is an author, speaker, and writer.